


bullfighter jacket

by corydalis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5 Times, Alcohol, BISEXUAL TANAKA IS RLY IMPORTANT TO ME K, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, because of the pining mostly, chapters get longer and progressively gayer, i want answers, rating may change just a heads up, seriously this spans 13 years, the daisuga is very lowkey but that may change, theyre of age tho don't worry, where is our canon confirmation about the tananoya meeting tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:25:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6637234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corydalis/pseuds/corydalis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hopes the rest of the universe finds this irony <i>fucking hilarious</i>, because Ryuu sure as hell isn’t laughing.</p><p>-----<br/>[or, five times ryuu kisses noya, and one time noya kisses him]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> **me @ me:** holy moly you sure do love tananoya, you should totally write something for them!! start off with something small though, to get used to them. maybe one of those five times thing! we can write five small little drabbles!! yeah, lets do this!!!  
>   
>  **also me, 20K words later:** ........................................this was not......... my intention.................

**i.**

 

They’re seven years old, and even though Noya’s the one with blood _gushing_ (well, trickling, if he’s being totally honest) from his knee, Ryuu is the one in tears about it.

They’re sitting on the tarmac outside Noya’s house, which has become their habitual hangout ever since Ryuu’s mother had ushered him over two weeks ago to introduce him to his new neighbour before elementary school starts next week.

Ryuu didn’t mean to push him. Well, that’s not entirely true, but they were just playing and he didn’t think Noya would go over so easily either, given that he's about four inches taller than Ryuu and twice as cool.

“I’m so sorry, Noya-san!” he wails. Noya blinks at him, and though his eyes are slightly glassy he doesn’t give any other indication that it hurts at all. Instead, he grins.

“It’s just a scrape, Ryuu. I’ve had waaaaay worse before!”

That doesn’t make him feel better at all, but then Noya launches into a story about a fight he’d gotten into with a wild and rabid dog just last month, and Ryuu’s tears are replaced with starry eyes.

Watching Noya tell stories is an experience all on its own. It’s full of shouts and arm gestures and funny voices. It’s like watching TV but not.

“No way…! Noya-san is so cool!” he groans when his friend has finished, flopping back into the hot concrete.

Noya stays still, the silence siphoning off the excitement he’d built whilst telling his tale. He stares at the ground intently for a few moments before he speaks again.

“… It still kind of hurts,” Noya says reluctantly, sounding rather embarrassed to admit that he isn’t invincible. Ryuu sits upright again instantly.

“It does?”

Noya shrugs and Ryuu feels guilty all over again. He desperately tries to remember what his sister does when he hurts himself.

Ryuu has been quiet for longer than thirty seconds, a new record, so he shouldn’t be surprised when Noya looks over at him curiously, evidently expecting some kind of response.

Instead, Ryuu scoots closer and, before Noya can do much more than blink in surprise, plants a swift kiss on the injured knee.

“Neesan does that when I get hurt,” Ryuu explains quickly, shaking his hair out of his eyes. It’s too long, he’s always thought. He doesn’t particularly like it. “She says it makes it better.”

Noya grins. “My mum does that too. Thanks!”

Ryuu frowns slightly. “Does it though?”

“What?”

“Make it better.”

“Oh.” Noya stops for a second, his smile turning downward and thoughtful. “…Not really? I mean. It still hurts. But when she does it, it makes me happy. Which is kind of the same thing as making it better? I dunno.”

“Oh,” says Ryuu. And then, “Did I help?”

And Noya grins again, and Ryuu can’t help but grin back, bright and loud and warm and everything else Noya seems to bring with him wherever he goes. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

(On Noya’s tenth birthday, Ryuu learns from his mother that the dog fight story was a complete and utter exaggeration, and though he feels rather stupid for believing it word for word, in the back of his mind he can’t help but think that Noya could totally take on a whole pack of wild dogs if he wanted to. He’s just that cool.)


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told myself i'd wait at least four days before putting this chapter out bUT SCREW THAT AMIRIGHT

**ii.**

 

Elementary school comes and goes, and by the time they’re twelve Ryuu can say without a shadow of a doubt that Nishinoya Yuu is his best friend.

They’re a package deal. You don’t get one without the other, and both families have pretty much adopted the other boy as their own. When Saeko tugs him in with one arm to ruffle his hair and guffaw at her younger brother (“You can cut it next year, Ryuu, I promise!”), Noya is under her other one, squirming happily and laughing out loud.

They don’t get into the same middle school; Noya heads off to Chidoriyama and Ryuu to his own middle school, a fact he stubbornly sulks about for weeks because it _isn’t_ Chidoriyama.

But they’re still neighbours, and they meet up nearly every day after volleyball practices to play together, and Ryuu never cares about the ache in his bones afterwards because practicing with Noya is infinitely more fun than practicing with his teammates. And he loves his teammates.

His coach yells at him for overdoing it, but spiking the ball to Noya has never once felt like extra work.

But when summer comes around and the heat is too suffocating for even them to handle, they occasionally forgo practice to laze around on Ryuu’s porch with anything cold they can get their hands on. It’s one of the only times they stay still.

Later, when the sun has set and dinner has been eaten, they’ll retreat to Ryuu’s room to play video games or read manga until his father either sends Noya home or sighs with the air of one accepting the inevitable and pulls out something that was once known as the spare futon and eventually just became Noya’s, but for now-

“Ryuuuuuu…” Noya whines, rolling over to press his face into the wood. “It’s hot.”

Ryuu grunts in response. It _is_ hot.

“Ryuuuuuuuuuuuu…” Noya tries again, drawing the vowel out longer than Ryuu thought possible considering how out of it they both are.

“It’s too hot to think, Noya-san,” Ryuu mumbles into his arm, which he has draped across his face in an attempt to shield him from the sun. It isn’t working.

“You know what we need?”

“A pool?”

Noya pauses. “A pool _would_ be awesome. Maybe we can dig one. When I can move.”

“Hmm.”

“Not what I was going to say though. Ice cream, dude. We need ice cream.”

“Dude, you’re right.”

Neither of them move.

“It’s your house, man. You get it.”

“No way, you brought it up. I ain’t moving.”

Noya groans lowly, and he raises his head just enough to yell, “Neeeeeeeesaaaaaaan!”

“Like hell!” Saeko shouts back from somewhere inside the open doorway. Ryuu’s always had good hearing, so it doesn’t surprise him when he tunes his ears and catches the sound of the television blaring in the living room. Saeko’s favourite show, it sounds like. Some sort of action drama.

Noya makes a pitiful sound somewhere off to his right. “Dude. Let’s just both go.”

“…Alright.”

Noya stands first, unsticking himself from the wood and wiping his sweaty forehead. He extends the same hand down to Ryuu, who eyes it with mock-disgust.

“Gross, man.”

“Just get up already!”

Ryuu snorts, but accepts the hand, allowing Noya to pull him to his feet with no longer surprising strength. Noya is cool, and a gifted libero, so there’s a lot of muscle beginning to form in his small body. And Ryuu is strong too, he knows, but there’s something particularly awe-inspiring about Noya’s strength, something that Ryuu isn’t sure he has.

He’s okay with that, though. Noya has enough for both of them.

Besides, Ryuu’s taller than Noya now, something he doesn’t mention (the first and only shit-eating grin he’d sent Noya’s way about it had not brought favourable results) but feels kind of proud of anyway. Yet it always feels odd to physically be looking down at Noya when it _feels_ like he’s looking _up_.

Noya tugs him forcefully into the kitchen by his hand, bringing him out of his introspective thoughts. He’s thankful for it; it’s much too hot to be thinking about anything in detail.

Ryuu opens the freezer, only spending a few blissful moments in the rush of cold air before Noya is practically clambering on top of him to feel it too. Ryuu doesn’t mind.

He reaches inside, eyes lighting up when he spies a couple of GariGari Kun popsicles near the front. He hands one to Noya, who rips the wrapping off before it’s even left Ryuu’s hand.

He stuffs it in his mouth as Ryuu unwraps his own popsicle, and immediately makes a face.

“What?” Ryuu asks, his voice slightly stifled around his own treat.

Noya’s mouth slides off of his with a wet _pop!_ and Ryuu’s eyes are inexplicably drawn to the motion. “It’s yuzu.”

“You like yuzu!”

“Yeah, but you got soda!” Noya says, pointing accusingly to the sticky wrapper in Ryuu’s hand. “You _know_ that’s my favourite!”

“You’re the one that snatched it out of my hands, Noya-san,” Ryuu says with a teasing grin.

He’s already starting to back away, but Noya is quicker than he could ever hope to be and pounces forward, scrambling for the treat. The height difference, though still small for now, is enough to give Ryuu the upper hand, however, and he holds it high over their heads.

“Eat your own, Noya-san!”

“Nope!”

Noya makes another grab for the popsicle, but Ryuu waves it out of his reach before smirking and popping it straight into his mouth.

Noya glares at him unflinchingly, and in all honesty Ryuu should have seen it coming, because this is Noya and Noya sees the phrase ‘give up’ and pisses on it.  So it’s only logical that the next step to him is to reach up and snatch the popsicle straight out from between Ryuu’s lips, jumping back and shoving it between his own before Ryuu can retaliate.

“Oi!”

Ryuu stares after him for a second, mouth open as he watches Noya triumphantly suck on his prize.

And he finds himself focusing on that more than he should, hit with the sudden realization that his lips and saliva were on that just seconds before Noya’s and he’s read enough shoujo manga to know what that indirectly was, which means he’d technically just-

Ryuu squashes the train of thought immediately, deeming it Weird Territory. Instead, he scowls at his best friend, reaching over to filch the yuzu flavoured popsicle out of Noya’s grasp, because it feels like what he should do.

_It’s too hot._

Noya lets him, having claimed what he wanted, and instead drags Ryuu into the living room with renewed energy. Saeko greets them lazily, and Ryuu watches his popsicle melt for ten minutes before he can quash the odd feeling in his stomach long enough to put it in his mouth, all too aware of where it’s been.


	3. iii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by updating bi-weekly, i of course mean that i'm gonna shit out a chapter every couple of days until i get to the point i've written up to and then make you guys wait like three weeks for the conclusion instead of pacing it out because i have n o s e l f c o n t r o l
> 
> also an award to kinoshita, the original tananoya shipper

**iii.**

 

Noya, Ryuu thinks, comes up with the best ideas.

It’s their last night at training camp, as well as the last one of their first year. They haven’t had many, due to Karasuno’s losing streak, but neither Ryuu nor Noya are the type to remain discouraged for long. They have a match against Date Tech in a couple of weeks, after all.

And Ryuu has a feeling, one he can’t exactly place, just something deep in his chest that makes him sure beyond doubt that next year is going to be different.

So when the few third years that haven’t quit have retreated into their futons to talk amongst themselves for the night, so early that even Daichi raises his eyebrows in surprise, nobody particularly feels like sleeping. Noya suggests a game.

Ryuu beams next to him, already guessing what’s on his mind, and nearly splits his face in two when Asahi – poor, unsuspecting Asahi – nervously asks, “What kind of game?”

Noya pretends to think for about two seconds before his grin wins control over his face. “Truth or Dare!”

Ennoshita wrinkles his nose. “The western game? Why?”

“Team bonding exercise,” Noya says sagely. On the other side of the circle (oval, really), Daichi groans. Suga, however, looks thoughtful.

“It might be fun,” he points out, nudging his friend with his elbow a bit harder than strictly necessary. Asahi shifts from his spot on Suga’s other side, clearly stuck on his opinion of the idea.

“I’m in.” Kinoshita nods firmly. Narita voices his assent immediately afterwards, and Ennoshita gives the two of them a withering look. He then looks toward their soon-to-be captain and shrugs non-committally.

Daichi pinches the bridge of his nose. He stares hard at Noya (who grins innocently), then glances at Asahi (who grins nervously), and then finally at Suga (who grins with the air of an angel but an angel that has him totally fucking whipped). He sighs.

“We need ground rules.”

Ryuu whoops loudly, flinging an arm around an equally excited Noya. Daichi does not smile.

“First, nothing dirty or sexual.”

Noya and Ryuu blink in synchronized innocence. “Us, Daichi-san? We would never.” (Ryuu pretends not to notice Kinoshita cursing under his breath).

“Second. It has to stay in this room.”

Ryuu pouts a bit at that. “Fair enough.”

“And the noise level has to stay _down,_ ” Daichi adds, casting a glance at the third years on the other side of the room. Ryuu doesn’t really see what he’s worried about; they all seem too caught up in each other to notice their underclassmen.

“Alright!” Noya exclaims loudly, and Daichi’s eye twitches. “Who’s starting?”

“I will,” Ryuu says immediately, eyes already zeroing in on his victim. Asahi gulps.

Beside him, Noya looks infinitely proud of his choice.

“Asahi-san,” Ryuu starts lowly, his face deadly serious. “Truth or dare?”

“…Truth.”

Ryuu pauses for dramatic effect, and then, “What was your last dirty dream?”

Asahi chokes.

“ _Tanaka!”_ Daichi hisses. Noya at least attempts to hide his loud sniggers behind his hand, unlike Ryuu, who launches into a full out scarecrow cackle.

“I’m just messing with you, Asahi-san!” he crows, leering forward menacingly for a few more moments before dropping back into a more casual stance. He shifts his smile into something slightly friendlier. “Who’s your celebrity crush?”

Asahi relaxes slightly, still pink cheeked but otherwise relieved by the question. “Oh. Um. I don’t really have one, but I guess… Horikita Maki? I like her acting, and she’s pretty, I suppose.”

Ryuu leans back and nods slowly. He’d been hoping for something a bit juicier, but it’ll have to do. He shoots a glance at Daichi. “See? Totally innocent.”

Daichi does not look convinced, but Noya speaks up before he can say anything. “Me next! Suga-san, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Suga says without hesitance, and Ryuu has to suck in a breath of awe.

Noya grins, reaching into his bag and pulling out a blindfold. He’s come prepared. “Put this on, and we’re gonna choose someone to slow dance with you. None of us can say anything and you have to guess who it is.”

Suga snorts with laughter, standing up with a smile and accepting the blindfold. He moves into a space and shoots them one last wink before tying the cloth over his eyes.

Immediately, all gazes turn to Daichi. He rolls his eyes but does not protest, standing to join Suga in the middle of the room.

Almost hesitantly, he puts one hand on Suga’s shoulder, and twines the other with Suga’s outstretched fingers. Suga’s smile widens considerably, but he does not speak.

They begin to step, Daichi a bit awkwardly due to him staring down at his feet to make sure he doesn’t step on Suga’s, and Suga with all the grace Ryuu has just come to expect of his senpai. It makes for an… interesting combination.

They dance for about thirty seconds (with Ryuu barely able to breathe through his attempts to hold in his laughter at Daichi’s expression, and Noya full out burying his face in Ryuu’s shoulder to stifle his) before Suga says, “Daichi, you are without a doubt the stiffest person I’ve ever danced with.”

Daichi jolts, as if about to move back but stops himself at the last minute. Instead he snorts, reaching up to tug Suga’s blindfold down.

They stare at each other heavily for a few moments before Narita clears his throat purposefully and Ryuu kind of wants to kick him for interrupting the show when the two move away from each other suddenly, although Suga is still smiling.

“Right,” Ennoshita asserts when they sit down again. “My turn. Daichi, truth or dare.”

Daichi regards Ennoshita searchingly for a moment, before answering, “Dare.” Clearly he thinks he’ll be safe in the hands of loyal, sensible Ennoshita.

“For the rest of the game, you must end every sentence with the words ‘in bed’.”

Ryuu could cry, he’s so proud.

Daichi frowns. “I could count that as going against the rules.”

Suga elbows him purposefully. “You could count that as going against the rules… what?”

“…I could count that as going against the rules,” He sighs. “… In bed.”

Noya falls backwards with laughter, clutching his stomach, and even Asahi cracks a small smile. Kinoshita looks as though his birthday has come early.

Daichi groans into his hands and Ryuu wonders if they’ll all be dead before his senpai can become captain.

 

* * *

 

Exactly one hour later and Ryuu knows that Ennoshita had an imaginary friend until he was ten, Narita first had his head shaved when he was six and accidentally put super-glue in his hair thinking it was shampoo, but ended up keeping the style, Kinoshita’s biggest fear as a kid was that his triplet sisters were actually demons out of a horror movie he’d snuck into, Asahi once nearly got arrested because some store owner was convinced he looked like a gang leader and had to be rescued by an old lady, Daichi has never been abroad, and Suga for all his apparent grace cannot touch his elbow with his tongue (and thus has to touch Asahi’s elbow instead).

He has also watched Kinoshita make out with a pillow for a full round without a hint of shame, Asahi and Noya switch shirts for three turns (Asahi looked like he couldn’t breathe, the fabric was stretched so tight, but Noya seemed fairly comfortable in the giant’s shirt; he’s worn Ryuu’s more than often enough. Privately, Ryuu thinks his look better on Noya, but pins it down to their similar fashion taste), Ennoshita take a selfie with a broom and upload it to social media with the caption _‘#datenight’_ , and Daichi forget his first dare when he sent a truth to Suga, forcing him to amend his sentence to ‘If you were trapped on an island with one person in the whole world, who do you think would be most useful to you… in bed?’

He also learns that Suga is the most angelic faced devil ever to grace this world, and by the time Daichi calls for the final round Ryuu has gained an entirely new level of respect for his senpai.

“Alright then, let’s make this last one count,” Kinoshita declares, rubbing his hands together. “Tanaka, truth or dare.”

“Dare,” Ryuu answers immediately. He and Noya have both been sticking to dares throughout the night, mainly to counteract Asahi’s unwillingness to deviate from choosing truth, but he finds a bit of pride in the knowledge that any time Noya had picked truth, Ryuu had already known the answer himself.

He hopes that it was the other way around, too.

Kinoshita grins. “Pick someone in this room, and give ‘em a kiss.”

Narita whistles lowly.

Ryuu blinks. “Eh?”

Daichi opens his mouth, probably to bring up the rules again, so Kinoshita continues hurriedly, “Nothing major, just a quick peck! God forbid, I don’t want to watch you make out with anyone.”

Ryuu lets the weight of the words wash over him, feeling oddly tense. His first kiss is supposed to be with a pretty girl (possibly but not very likely Kiyoko-san) after she’s given him a heartfelt confession, not one of his teammates on a dare. But he can’t say that without admitting that he hasn’t had his first kiss yet, which he’s pretty sure they all know, but to actually admit it would be embarrassing as hell and-

”Unless you wanna forfeit?”

Ryuu freezes. Then draws himself up to his full height, as much as he can whilst sitting. “Hell no!”

It won’t even count, he tells himself. He can do this. Just quick, a secret among bros. It isn’t like he hasn’t seen other boys in his class doing kabe don on each other with their phones out, mucking it up on purpose or overdoing it completely for vines. It’s all just a big joke.

Ryuu pretends he doesn’t notice the worried look Suga’s giving him.

Kinoshita looks faintly impressed, and Ryuu’s confidence takes another upwards step. “Alright then, stud. Who’re you kissing? They have to give consent too,” he adds, “I refuse to take part in sexual harassment.”

Right. Someone to kiss. A teammate. The answer is obvious, but he still considers his other options. No way is he kissing any of his senpais, except maybe Suga, but even that would be super uncomfortable. Narita looks like he might spontaneously combust if Ryuu goes anywhere near him, and Ennoshita might actually punch him. Kinoshita is the one who gave him the dare, and Ryuu panics slightly at the idea that the reason for that is that Kinoshita _wants_ him to kiss him, and Ryuu definitely doesn’t _like_ guys like that and cool though Kinoshita may be, Ryuu definitely doesn’t like _him_ like that.

Noya seemingly isn’t just his first option, but pretty much his only option.

Ryuu grins, wide and ferocious in an attempt to hide the sudden wave of nerves rising through him. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Kinoshita shrugs, unsurprised, and Ryuu finally looks over to his right to see Noya gazing at him with such terrifying intensity that Ryuu’s stomach does something _weird_. There’s a smile on the libero’s face, though, so it’s not a bad look.

“I’ve got your back, bro.”

Ryuu relaxes slightly; he doesn’t know what he’d do if he had to kiss Kinoshita, but Noya is his best bro, and the last person to back down from anything once he gets fired up, and he _always_ has his back.

Speaking of Kinoshita, he looks far too happy about this. But Ryuu doesn’t pay that any mind. He shifts to face Noya properly, and his friend does the same, the light from the lamp illuminating just one side of his face, casting the other into soft shadow. His teammates suddenly feel very far away.

Ryuu refuses to think about this.

“You ready, bro?”

Noya winks and Ryuu _knows_ it’s a joke, so why the hell has his mouth gone dry? “Lay one on me, man.”

Ryuu does, before he can think too hard about it.

It’s exactly what Kinoshita describes it as; a quick peck, completely chaste and absolutely _nothing_ major (but it is, it’s a _huge_ fucking deal what the fuck what the fuck is he even doing-). Noya’s lips are plush and firm and just a little bit dry against his own and when Ryuu pulls back his feel like they’re on _fire._

His actions crash down on him then. He kissed Noya. His best friend.

He _kissed_ him.

He doesn’t think much of his blush; the entire _point_ of the dare was to embarrass him, so he turns back to Kinoshita with a grin and completely skips over the idea that his blush might be for any other reason, because that’s dumb. “Man, is that all you’ve got? I could come up with a better dare in my sleep!”

Kinoshita smiles. “Easier than you thought, then?”

Ryuu’s chest feels weird.

He doesn’t want to think about it anymore, and is thankful when Suga jumps in loudly before anyone can say anything else.

“Narita-kun, truth or dare?”

They finish the round fairly quickly after that, and when Ryuu turns to his right to snigger at Narita’s impression of Daichi he finds Noya staring at him with an unreadable expression. Which is weird, because Ryuu is pretty sure he knows all the things Noya’s face does, but he can’t place this and it’s gone before he can even really register that it’s there.

When Daichi finally shuts the game down and sends them off to bed, Ryuu slips into his futon and squeezes his eyes shut, determinedly Not Thinking.

But once Asahi’s tell-tale snores fill the room and Ryuu finally feels himself begin to relax, something pokes his arm.

“Ryuu,” Noya hisses quietly.

He could pretend to be asleep.

“I know you’re awake.”

Damn it.

Ryuu opens his eyes slowly, letting his vision adjust to the dark until he can make out Noya lying in the futon next to him. He can’t really see his expression, so he only has the concern in Noya’s voice to go off of.

“You okay?”

“Mm’ fine.” Ryuu frowns, voice slightly muffled by the pillow. Noya is silent for a second.

“Sorry,” he finally whispers. Ryuu blinks in surprise. “That wasn’t how you wanted your first one to happen.”

It wasn’t how he _expected_ his first kiss to happen, sure, but it wasn’t _awful_. Quite the opposite, actually and-

Nope.

Not going there.

“It’s fine,” Ryuu says, and he means it. “It wasn’t bad.”

“You could have said no. Daichi-san would have made him choose a different dare if you said you didn’t want to do it.”

“Would _you_ have backed down?” Ryuu points out.

“…No,” Noya admits.

Another silence.

“…Besides, it was your first too,” Ryuu mumbles. “And I’m the one who actually took it. Aren’t you mad?”

“No,” Noya says, without the slightest hesitance. Ryuu’s chest tightens. “You’re my best friend. Think of it like… a trust exercise. I don’t know man, but I’m actually pretty relieved? Like now that it’s out of the way and I did it with someone who I know won’t laugh at me or anything, I feel way better about the whole thing.”

Ryuu thinks about that, and decides that he agrees. “Yeah, and at least now we kind of know what to expect when we do it for real.”

“Exactly!”

He sighs, feeling a lot more at ease. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it, man. Thanks for having my back. I didn’t want to have to do it with one of the others.”

“Anytime, bro.”

Ryuu turns over then, settling himself more comfortably inside the futon. “Night, Noya-san.”

“Night, Ryuu.”

And with that, Ryuu firmly pushes the memory of Noya’s lips against his own out of his mind, and falls asleep.


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to tanaka saeko who is without a doubt the coolest person pretty much ever
> 
> alright. here's where things get interesting.

**iv.**

 

Ryuu has always been able to cook.

Well, maybe not always, but he can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t helping his dad or sister out in the kitchen. His family has owned a restaurant up in Sendai for generations, and it has always been kind of a given that Ryuu will grow up to inherit it.

Of course, his dad continuously tells him otherwise, tells him that he can do whatever he wants with his life and move on to bigger and better things if he should feel so inclined - that’s why he’s still here with Saeko finishing high school in Torono and not up in Sendai with his dad working there already - but Ryuu likes the restaurant. Cooking isn’t exactly his favourite hobby, but there’s a certain kind of safety and security he finds in the kitchen that he’s never really had anywhere else but with Noya.

The kitchen is a lot quieter, though. (Unless Noya is in it.)

So Ryuu doesn’t really mind the idea of owning the place one day. It’s nice, and he doesn’t see much point in exhausting himself on school work when he’s got a pretty sweet plan already. High school is for volleyball, in his mind.

(He worries though. He worries that when everything is over and high school is done, Noya will disappear halfway across the country to attend some huge sports university so he can go pro, because he _can_ , and Ryuu is going to be stuck in his restaurant unable to follow him but with no intentions of forcing him to stay. Noya will get a girlfriend and a new best friend on his new professional team and he’ll stop by once in awhile to pay homage to his roots, but Ryuu dreads the day when Noya comes back and he’s no longer the one who knows him best.)

But when he had told Noya about his plans after graduation to go and work in the family restaurant, Noya hadn’t whined about the inevitable distance, hadn’t made Ryuu promise to text him every day and tell him about the cranky customers, hadn’t even so much as frowned.

He’d _cheered,_ jumping up and throwing himself at Ryuu, and it was, will and always has been in Ryuu’s instinct to catch him, to lift him up and cheer with him even if he had no idea what for.

“Wait, what?” he’d said, blinking up at Noya, who’d merely grinned down at him and just like always the entire world fizzled into background noise, because there has never been a time where he hasn’t hung onto Noya’s every word, never anyone else who can hold his attention so resolutely, and when Noya spoke again, all cheeky tones and blinding smiles, Ryuu felt more at home right then than he ever has in the kitchen.

“Dude. Sendai has the best sports university in the prefecture.”

Later, Saeko had walked in on them passed out in front of Ryuu’s laptop, open on apartment listings.

But even when they’re walking around town and Noya drags him over to a shop window, eyes shining with excitement as he forcibly points Ryuu’s face in the right direction and exclaims, “We totally need this in our apartment, dude!” and Ryuu’s heart soars at ‘our _’_ , he can’t help the stupid, annoying little voice at the back of his head that continuously tells him that nothing is definite; Noya could still be offered a big scholarship somewhere so much better, that Ryuu is holding him back from his full potential.

Ryuu tells this voice, very plainly, to fuck off.

He doesn’t give a shit what anyone else has to say about it because Tanaka Ryuunosuke, for once in his life, has a plan. The Plan is as follows:

  1. Suffer through final exams.
  2. But mostly help Noya, whose grades are way more important to The Plan.
  3. By help, this means stay quiet whilst Ennoshita helps him. This is possibly the hardest thing on the list.
  4. Help Ennoshita take the team to nationals again. This he can do, as the current vice-captain and ace, Ryuu is more than capable of taking the brunt of the work here.
  5. Practice endlessly with Noya whenever he isn’t studying, because when the scout from Sendai shows up, Noya is going to be the one to get that scholarship, Ryuu will make sure of it.
  6. Also let Noya basically live at his house during this period (or at least more so than he already is), and fall asleep on his bed because really, it’s way more comfortable than the futon and Noya’s been working way too fucking hard lately.
  7. Don’t make it awkward when Noya insists he just share the bed with him, because there’s no reason for it to be awkward, the two of them have done it a million times before and doing it a million more now makes no difference to Ryuu whatsoever and why is this even on the list anyway??? It is in no way a big deal?????
  8. Wake up earlier than usual to make the two of them breakfast before morning practice; Noya likes Ryuu’s cooking and it’s pretty good training, he thinks, for when the two of them are actually living together.
  9. Don’t try to figure out the look on Saeko’s face when Ryuu gives Noya his plate. She’s grinning because her brother has made a delicious meal.
  10. Wait for the acceptance letter from Sendai for Noya.
  11. Graduate without crying.
  12. Just because Hinata is totally going to cry doesn’t mean Ryuu will get to lose it too. He is a cool, reliable senpai and he is in control of his emotions.
  13. Move to Sendai with Noya and start their totally amazing lifestyle as best bros for eternity.
  14. Profit.



There is only a single, significant flaw in the final steps of The Plan, which comes to light one Saturday morning when Saeko is out and Ryuu is woken far earlier than he would have liked on a weekend by his phone buzzing on his bedside table.

He knows it’s early because he is immediately hyper-aware of Noya’s weight on the other side of the bed, his friend’s back warm and solid against his own. Noya is always awake first, even now, when all the extra studying and practice has exhausted him and he sleeps in later than usual, Ryuu is also subject to the same exhaustion and sleeps in too, always waking up maybe ten minutes after Noya unless he sets an alarm specifically to prevent it.

They’re kind of in synch, like that.

And he’s thankful for it, really, because recently any time Ryuu _has_ had the rare surprise of waking up first he finds that he’s been having some issues breathing. He wonders if he’s allergic to Noya’s new shampoo.

Ryuu is now very much awake, and he shifts away in the hopes that the lack of contact will ease the almost painful heat working its way up his neck. It does not. Noya is known for being a living furnace, and Ryuu isn’t much better, so it makes sense that whenever they wake up in the same bed, Ryuu finds himself flushed.

And these possible allergies probably aren’t helping. He hasn’t broken out in a rash or anything, though, so it’s probably a minor thing. No need to bring it up with Noya, because Noya would then probably dump fifty different types of shampoo into Ryuu’s arms and test out each one for allergies, just to make sure, or worse, stubbornly retreat to the futon.

It’s been nice, sleeping with someone in the bed with him. Even if sometimes he can’t actually sleep because he doesn’t really see Noya with his hair down that often and he looks super peaceful and almost kind of cute when he’s passed out on Ryuu’s pillow, legs brushing companionably and it’s not _that_ weird to enjoy the presence of your best friend, he thinks. It’s comforting. He doesn’t want it to stop.

His phone buzzes again, and Ryuu remembers what woke him up in the first place.

Carefully, so as not to disturb Noya, he sits up and snatches it off the bedside table. There are two texts from his sister.

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _ryuu get ur ass up i need u to go out and buy a birthday card for aki from me_ _  
_ ******_07:08_**

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _pleeeeeeeeease_ _  
_ ******_07:14_**

Ryuu frowns.

 **Me**  
_Youre already out though? why do i have to get it??  
_ **_07:15_ **

**Neesan ❤** **  
** _its a rly specific card and its too far to walk during lunch break_ _  
_ ******_07:16_**

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _itll be closed by the time i get off of work come on bro help ur big sis out here_ _  
_ ******_07:16_**

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _ur my only hope_ _  
_ ******_07:17_**

Ryuu glances back at Noya, at the safety and warmth of his sheets, calling out to him desperately. Begging him ‘ _please don’t go’_.

He sighs.

 **Me**  
_Fiiiiiiiine  
_ **_07:18_ **

**Me**  
_You owe me! >:[  
_ **_07:18_**

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _ur the best ryuu <3_ _  
**07:19**_

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _heres the card_ _  
**07:19**_

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _[FILE ATTACHED]_ _  
**07:19**_

Ryuu doesn’t bother checking the photo until he’s pulled himself out of bed and shuffled towards his dresser to pull some clean clothes on, picking his way around the perpetual mess on his floor.

He absent-mindedly throws his sleeping attire to the ground with the empty promise to himself that he’ll pick them up when he gets back, and once dressed he opens the file Saeko had sent and nearly chokes on his own spit.

 **Me**  
_Holy shit SAEKO THATS DISGUSTING  
_ **_07:23_ **

**Me**  
_I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT  
_ **_07:23_ **

**Me**  
_（╬ಠ益ಠ)  
_ **_07:23_ **

**Me**  
_I AINT BUYING THAT CARD  
_ **_07:24_ **

**Neesan ❤** **  
** _yes u are_ _  
**07:25**_

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _i promised myself id get him the perfect card and thats it so suck it up_ _  
**07:25**_

 **Neesan ❤** **  
** _ill reimburse u for ur trouble when i get back dont worry_ _  
**07:26**_

 **Me**  
_No amount of money can restore my innocence  
_ **_07:27_ **

**Neesan ❤** **  
** _love uuuuuu <3 <3 <3 <3_ _  
**07:27**_

Ryuu leaves his bedroom hating both his existence and his sister, but waits to groan in disgust until he’s out of Noya’s earshot. He is a good friend, after all.

He’ll wait until Noya is awake to show him the card.

He winds a scarf around his neck and shoots one more text on his phone before shoving it into his pocket, along with his wallet and keys, and venturing out into the cold.

 **Me**  
_Headed out to grab smthn for neesan, be back in a bit!  
_ **_07:35_ **

**Noya-san!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** **  
** _its cool take your time!! :D_ _  
**07:53**_

 **Noya-san!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** **  
** _grab some snacks on your way back? o(^▽^)o_ _  
**07:55**_

 

* * *

 

 

Ryuu returns home exactly an hour later with a bag of melonpan and one highly inappropriate birthday card to find his kitchen billowing with smoke.

“Shit,” he says, and nearly breaks down the door. “NOYA-SAN!?”

“I’m here!” comes Noya’s voice from inside the dark cloud, and after a moment Ryuu spots him hoisting himself onto the counter in order to reach the window latch. A song Ryuu recognises is blasting out of Noya’s phone where it sits on the table, and every counter top is spattered with flour.

His heart rate drops back to a reasonable pace.

Ryuu drops his bags and crosses the kitchen in three strides, grabbing two tea towels off the table as he does so. He tosses one of them to Noya, who catches it without even looking away from the window he’s still trying to reach (even in situations like this, he’s cool).

Eventually, the latch pops and Ryuu starts frantically waving the smoke out into the open air.

“Flap like Kiyoko-san’s life depends on it, dude!” he tells Noya once he jumps back down from the counter, and nearly gets hit in face by Noya’s tea towel a second later.

The smoke isn’t thick, but _damn_ if it doesn’t stink. Ryuu scrunches his nose in distaste as he and Noya work to clear it, and judging from Noya’s stifled cough next to him, he’s not a fan of it either.

After about five minutes  of frantic, unorganized flapping, Ryuu stands in an acceptably smokeless (though still rather foul-smelling) kitchen next to an incredibly sheepish-looking Noya, staring at a pan of what might once upon a time been pancake batter.

“Dude,” he whistles lowly. “How even…?”

“I’m cursed!” Noya whines, throwing his head back. His music continues to play in the background, but Ryuu doesn’t mind; he loves this song too. “It got so bad, so quick. How the hell do you do it, Ryuu?”

Ryuu pokes at the blackened mess warily, as it if might leap out and bite him. He wouldn’t put it past Noya’s cooking. “You were… tryin’ to make pancakes?”

Noya groans. “You’re always making breakfast for me, so I just thought- There was a recipe and everything! I read! Voluntarily! I’m like, three-thousand percent _certain_ I did everything right!”

The kitchen begs to differ. Ryuu is kind of impressed, honestly. Noya must have been doing some pretty sick dance moves to get pancake batter on the ceiling.

It’s a mess, but Ryuu hardly cares about anything like that. He’s much more concerned about the look of guilt on Noya’s face, which he immediately decides he hates and wants to get rid of as soon as possible.

“Bro,” he says, reaching towards the open pack on the counter. “It’s cool, seriously! Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“You sure?”

“‘Course!” Ryuu beams, and proceeds to dump a handful of flour on his head.

There’s a deathly silence.

Noya doesn’t look at him. His expression is blank.

His hair is _ruined._

“...Did you just…?”

“Yup.”

“Right,” Noya says, and Ryuu has known him long enough to spot the telltale twitch of a man trying not to smile. “Right.”

Ryuu plasters on his most thuggish grin. “Whatcha’ gonna do about it, _bro?"_

“Oh, I’ll tell you exactly what I’m gonna do about it, _bro,_ ” Noya retorts, turning to face Ryuu fully, taking a purposeful step forward.

Ryuu stands his ground, and Noya takes another step, and another, until they’re standing nearly chest to chest. Ryuu looks down at him, his nostrils flaring. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Noya says roughly, his gaze unwavering. And that’s. Weird. But it shouldn’t be, Ryuu has seen that look and heard that tone on nearly a daily basis for ten years, has had it directed at him in this playful manner more times he can count, but this feels different and heavy and Ryuu doesn’t know why and it makes him feel _weird._

Ryuu expects him to wrap him in a chokehold, maybe bring him down for a fierce noogie, or possibly even shove him onto his ass ( _anything_ at this point, honestly), but Noya just stares at him for a long moment and his gaze is loaded with something Ryuu doesn’t recognize, and he feels like he should say something, anything, to break whatever is happening- this strange, unidentifiable tension that both exhilarates and terrifies him at once with its unfamiliarity and _he wants to_ -

His vision goes white.

Ryuu stands for a moment, stunned, wondering if he had actually just gone and died on the spot like a fucking loser before Noya’s laughter, loud and boisterous, reaches his ears and Ryuu realises that the asshole just dumped the entire flour pack over his head.

“...That wasn’t telling me,” he says finally, narrowing his eyes. He gropes the counter at his back blindly until he finds what he is looking for, never taking his eyes off of Noya, who is hunched over with his hands on his knees and shaking with unrestrained laughter. “On the other hand, _I_ am about to launch some of your shit excuse for pancake batter right in your face.”

Noya looks up at that, just in time for the handful of batter to hit him dead on the nose.

It’s Ryuu’s turn to laugh now, throwing his head back at Noya’s startled expression. He doesn’t have much time to gloat, though, as Noya leaps for the batter with a battle cry of, “This is _war,_  Ryuu!” and things get pretty out of hand from there.

After three minutes of flinging batter and threats at each other and dodging behind counters for cover, Noya finds the eggs, and Ryuu feels confident in the knowledge that Saeko is going to _kill_ them.

He blinks yolk out of his eyes and charges forward with a roar to lock Noya in a headlock and smash an egg into his cheek, unable to find it within himself to care.

“Ryuu! Get off- the _fuck_ , man?! Not cool!” Noya whines, trying not to laugh and failing absolutely miserably.

He struggles in Ryuu’s grip - he really is so much stronger than he looks - but Ryuu refuses to back down and let go, and ends up staggering back blindly.

The eggs were a horrifically, horrendously bad idea, Ryuu realises (far too late) as his foot slips in yolk and his legs fly out from underneath him.

He yelps, panic clutching his chest for a brief moment and Noya’s sharp yell loud in his ears before they both crash to the kitchen tile in flurry of limbs.

They lie there for a moment, disoriented.

“Fuck,” Noya groans.

Ryuu nods in dazed agreement, his face pressed into Noya’s chest. He huffs. “Yeah. You okay?”

“Shit, yeah. Just. Ow.”

“Yeah.”

He can hear Noya’s heartbeat, he notes vaguely; still rapid from the adrenaline of their fall.

Wait.

Ryuu frowns. He’s pretty sure he had gone over _backwards,_  so how did Noya end up being the one to...?

“Noya-san,” he starts, voice muffled by Noya’s shirt. “Did you _spin_ us? In mid-air?”

Noya is silent, and then-

“Bro.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll _always_ catch you when you fall.”

“... _Bro_.”

They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, but Ryuu breaks first, bursting into sniggers and flopping back into Noya’s chest to stifle them. He feels more than hears Noya’s own snickering.

“Ryuu, I love ya and all, but seriously,” he whines. “You’re heavy as shit. Get off me.”

Ryuu obliges, heaving himself up on his palms so that he’s hovering over Noya instead of crushing him to the floor with his dead weight. His back is arched weirdly in this position, and their legs are still tangled together, but it gives Noya enough room to sit up slightly and brace himself on his forearms.

(They’re still very close to each other, but then they’ve always been close - metaphorically and physically. Theirs is a friendship that was started through proximity and shaped through contact; small touches in heavy moments, fierce ones in lighter. Ryuu doesn’t think he’s spent more than a week away from Noya since the day they met, can’t remember a time when there wasn’t a presence at his side, pressed up against him on the bus and grappling his shoulders during practice.

Noya is the one, unwavering constant in his life, and Ryuu finds a sense of comfort and companionship there that he can’t imagine with anyone else.)

“...Dude, you’re my hero,” Ryuu says, only half joking.

And all at once, something in Noya’s expression shifts. The tension from earlier returns in a rush, and his gaze locks itself to Ryuu’s with a weight he can’t recognize.

“...Ditto,” Noya breathes, voice catching in his throat.

And suddenly Ryuu feels like they’re much too close ( _not close enough_ ), and this feels weird and dangerous, like they’re teetering on the edge of _something_ that Ryuu hasn’t let himself go near, a thought process he sectioned off years ago and barred with big red tape.

But Ryuu’s never been one for rules - not even the ones he’s set up himself - and he finds himself itching to tear the tape down, to charge forward and get a look at whatever the hell is going on here.

He hates being in the dark about anything, especially when it comes to Noya, because nothing is supposed to be complicated with Noya. Everything is simple and easy with him, and it still is and always will be, he thinks, but there’s this _thing_ and it’s stopping _something,_  and it’s frustrating as _fuck,_ like getting his spike blocked by some sort of invisible player, and Ryuu doesn’t know how to break through.

He’s still hovering over Noya, and there’s flour on his face and yolk in his hair and something in the libero’s eyes that Ryuu can only describe as a goddamn _thunderstorm_ , bright and sparking and volatile, terrifying in it’s unbridled intensity, but he’s always liked the rain and somehow Ryuu finds it the most comforting sight in the world.

And it reminds him - never fails to impress him - how much _presence_ Noya has, and how jarring it sometimes is to look down on him, to hover above him in moments like these and feel so off-kilter because Ryuu always feels like he should be looking up, that he is the smaller one- but only in comparison, really, because with Noya he feels like he could take on the world. Would gladly try, if it meant staying at his side.

(His literature teacher would be proud, he thinks vaguely.)

There’s something here, Ryuu realises. This is where he’s going to find it, on this train of thought, in this moment, their music still playing in the background and the smell of smoke still faint in the air, staring straight into Noya’s eyes for far too long and not nearly long enough, his breaths quick and almost inexistent, the tension so thick and about to _snap-_

Noya’s tongue flicks out to wet his lips, and, oh.

_Oh._

_Oh_ **_fuck._ **

And Ryuu _gets it,_  all at once and far too sudden and shit and fuck no no no _no no-_

“Ryuu?”

And then there’s Noya, still splayed out beneath him ( ** _splayed_** _, fuck, when did he start using words like_ **_that_** _?_ ) and the heaviness in his gaze is gone now, replaced by clear concern and Ryuu kind of wants it back but at the same time _doesn’t_ because he knows _why_ and he knows he’s far too still and his eyes are wide with panic because he _is_ panicking and-

Ryuu forcibly shuts down all thought processes then.

Like resetting himself during a match (he wishes his hands were free to slap himself), he shoves everything else to the back of his mind; every feeling and revelation can be thought about later, when they’re not in danger of spilling over, because the one and only thing Ryuu is sure of right now is that Noya cannot know. Not right now.

The thought makes him kind of uncomfortable, because he’s never hidden anything from Noya before.

“Ryuu?” Noya leans closer, and Ryuu wants to kiss him.

Instead, he says, “...Neesan is going to _kill_ us.”

Noya blinks once. Twice. Then breaks Ryuu’s gaze to survey the kitchen. His face drains of colour, and Ryuu feels satisfied knowing that he’s come up with a believable reason for his own panic.

“Ohhhh shit,” Noya says. “We made a huge frickin’ mess.”

“Yup.” Ryuu doesn’t trust himself to answer at length.

Noya flops backwards onto the floor and whines. “We’re going to have to _clean._ ”

He finds himself grinning at that. It’s still the same. The entire world has been pulled out from under his feet, but nothing has changed, Ryuu tells himself. “Yup.”

Noya groans, and Ryuu can’t help but snicker.

Everything is fine.

So he goes to push himself to his feet, moving one palm further up the floor to brace himself and forgetting completely about how they ended up in this position in the first place right up until the moment his hand slides in _the same pool of egg yolk_.

Ryuu crashes straight back down, his hands flying out from under him and his mouth colliding violently with his best friend’s.

It isn’t anything like how it was two years ago; the angle is off and their teeth clack against each other harshly and in retrospect it isn’t a very pleasant kiss at all, but Ryuu is still reeling from the realization that this is something he _wants_ , and suddenly every point of contact is an electric shock straight through his veins, a low tug somewhere behind his navel, too much and nowhere near enough.

And Ryuu has always been a man of instinct, acting before thinking, and right now coherent thought is hovering just beyond his reach, and he’s halfway through readjusting the angle to slot their lips together more smoothly before it catches up and he _flies_ backwards.

He lands heavily on his ass, face burning and unable to tear his gaze away from Noya, who stares straight back with eyes so wide Ryuu can see the whites around his irises.

_Play it off. Play it off now._

“Shit, Noya-san, I’m sorry! It was an accident!”

_Fucking smooth, Ryuu._

Noya jolts slightly, brought back to reality. He lifts a hand to rub nervously at the back of his neck and tries for a laugh. It comes out higher than usual, but Ryuu is definitely not going to comment. Not on that or his pink cheeks. “It’s- It’s fine, Ryuu. Don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s, uh, no big deal.”

“Right.” Ryuu would find that easier to believe if he could stop blushing, if Noya would look directly at him, if Ryuu didn’t want to do it again, but properly this time.

There’s a beat of heavy, awkward silence. It’s probably the first one ever to surface between them.

The thought fucking terrifies him.

But then Noya leaps to his feet, wipes his hands on his trousers, and sticks one out to Ryuu. His grin is wide and genuine, the tension dissipates instantly, and Ryuu is _so fucking thankful_ for Nishinoya Yuu.

He accepts the hand, and lets Noya haul him into a standing position before returning the grin, and watches the last of the anxiety leave Noya’s shoulders as he does so.

Noya skips past him, already heading towards the cupboard where Saeko keeps the cleaning supplies.

“So, what did Neesan send you out for anyway?”

 

* * *

 

It takes Ryuu a while to come to any form of terms with It. A full month of agonizing confusion and terrifying revelations before he’s able to make any sort of peace with It.

‘It’ being the huge, hideous crush on his best friend.

About half that time is dedicated to a semi-crisis over his sexuality. He _knows_ he likes girls; he’s absolutely sure of it. He’s spent more than long enough staring at them in class to be certain that it’s definitely _girls_ that do it for him.

Except.

Except now that he’s thinking about it... guys aren’t that bad either?

Except now that he’s thinking about it, maybe it isn’t just out of simple appreciation that his eyes have lingered maybe a _moment_ too long in the changing rooms.

Except now that he’s thinking about it, he might not in fact be totally, one hundred percent straight.

_Well._

He wants to talk to Noya about it, to sort through this weird, confusing thing with him like he always does when something’s eating at him, but he can’t. Not this. Not yet.

Instead, he trudges into the living room one rare evening when Noya is sleeping at his own house for once and flops down next to Saeko on the couch.

She glances at him for a second, then turns the volume down on the TV. Not completely, but the invitation is clear. For all the shit he talks, Ryuu is really glad for her.

“So,” he starts nervously. “I’ve been having some, uh, thoughts lately.”

Saeko leans back into the cushions and stretches slowly. “Was wondering when you’d finally come to talk to me about it,” she comments idly. Ryuu grunts in response, and she continues after a pause, her tone carefully neutral. “Is this about Yuu-chan?”

“...Kind of. Partly. How’d you know?”

She grins but doesn’t look at him. “I’m your big sis, Ryuu. I know lots of things.”

There’s a silence, and then she says. “You know, when I was in high school, I had a gigantic crush on a girl in my class.”

Ryuu jerks. “You did?”

“Mmmhmm. Took me ages to figure it out. Took me even longer to do something about it. I was kind of freaked out; I’d never thought that way about another girl before. We were pretty good friends, and I thought she might get grossed out or something if I told her how I felt. But I told her anyway.”

“Was she grossed out?”

“Nope!” Saeko’s smile turns contemplative. “If she had been though, I don’t think I would have liked her anymore. But I’m a pretty awesome judge of character, especially when it comes to dates, so she was really cool about it. But she said that she was sorry, that she thought I was really amazing and everything, but she didn’t like girls like that.”

“Oh,” Ryuu says. He wonders if this story is supposed to motivate him, because if so it’s really not working.

“Don’t get that look,” Saeko says sharply, elbowing him in the ribs. “I’m not done. Because I was devastated and all, but I hid it and tried not to make things awkward because I didn’t want to stop being friends. Until, about two weeks after my confession, Moriko came up to me and said that she’d made a mistake.”

“Moriko?” The name sounds familiar. His sister beams.

“Yeah, my _friend_ Moriko, who I then proceeded to bring around every day after school while you and Yuu-chan were off smacking balls into each others faces for fan- _tas_ -tic make-out sessions in my room.”

Ryuu turns pink and throws a cushion at her face, which she catches. “Really don’t need the details, thanks!”

Saeko snickers. “Hey, we were trying to preserve your innocence! You didn’t even know what kissing _was_ back then!”

“Did too!” Ryuu retorts indignantly.

“Yeah, right. You were like, _ten,_ ” Saeko points out, as if every kids movie he’d ever watched hadn’t ended with a grand kiss between the hero and his girl.

“Urgh.” He falls back, trying to sink inside the cushions. “What’s your point?”

“My first point is that bisexuality appears to run in the family,” Saeko says, flopping back next to him. “You’re lucky. Dad walked in on me and Moriko once. I was so freaked out, I thought he was gonna combust or something. Moriko practically ran home, and I thought, ‘this is it, this is the end.’”

“Was he… mad?”

“I thought he was.” A fond smile works it’s way over her face. “But then he sat me down at the table with some tea, and he went on this whole speech about how he loved me and he was happy whatever my choices were, and a bunch of other really sappy shit that made me realise that we’re pretty damn lucky to have such a cool dad.”

Ryuu relaxes, a deep exhale of relief for a problem he didn’t even realize was weighing him down. “He did?”

“Yeah.” Saeko wrinkles her nose suddenly. “Turns out that, uh. Well. Look, just be glad you got the bisexuality talk from me telling you about Moriko rather than Dad telling you about his escapades with his college boyfriend.”

“ _What._ ”

“Told you Ryuu. Runs in the family.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Yep.”

There’s another silence whilst Ryuu absorbs the information he’s been given.

“...So what happened with Moriko?”

“Right!” Saeko perks up. “Well, I tracked her down the next day and apologized, told her my dad was cool with it. I told her that he said he wasn’t going to tell anyone, since she wasn’t ready to make the relationship public.” She frowns. “Her parents were… not as cool with it. At least her dad wasn’t.”

“Damn.”

“Mmm. But anyway, we dated for a while on the down-low in our last year. She ended up going to study abroad in Canada, and we didn’t think we could do long distance, so we broke up. It was a mutual thing.”

“Oh.” Ryuu knows, logically, that this must have happened, considering Saeko is currently dating Tsukishima’s brother, not Moriko, but it stills feels weird to hear about a breakup for a relationship he never even knew existed.

“Which brings me to my second point! Moriko is now the corporate manager of some sort of gaming magazine, I still chat to her over social media, and according to her profile she now strictly dates women only. And she says I’m totally allowed to take credit for her lesbian awakening.”

Ryuu snorts. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Point being, she turned me down at first because she didn’t think she liked girls, and now she’s happily out of the closet doing very gay things with other very gay chicks. People’s preferences and sexuality change or take time to be fully recognized, so basically; quit freaking the fuck out about it." She punctuates her point by lightly bringing her fist down on Ryuu's head. "There aren’t many people your age who’re totally, one hundred percent, no room for arguments, straight as a line, you know.”

He glances at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’ve got loads of time to figure it out. People don’t give as much of a shit now as they used to, and if anyone _does_ give you shit, you and me and Yuu-chan will beat ‘em up. As a team.” She pauses. “And you don’t have to act on anything right now if you don’t want to.”

“...Yeah,” Ryuu grins, and knocks his shoulder against hers companionably. “Thanks, Neesan.”

She grins right back at him, wide and easy. “Anytime, little brother! Come to think of it, I probably should have said something to you when I was dating Moriko, but she was really worried about us coming out to anyone, and, uh. I was also kind of scared, if I’m being totally honest. Dad knew, but… I didn’t want you to think any different of me either.”

She looks uncomfortable, and Ryuu stares at her in surprise. She’s never really shown much vulnerability around him, and he’s not entirely certain how to deal with it.

“...Neesan, regardless of who you wanna make out with, nothing’s ever gonna change the fact that you’ve always been a pain in my ass.”

Saeko smacks him with a cushion. “Show some respect, you little punk!”

But she’s smiling. Ryuu is too.

 

* * *

 

 Talking with Saeko helps a lot.

 _Bisexual,_  Ryuu thinks, testing the word in his mind. He feels okay with that.

Now comes the second part of his problem.

 

* * *

 

Ryuu knows he’s been acting weird, and he knows that Noya knows he’s been acting weird. It’s been about a month since The Incident, and it hasn’t been _awkward,_  per say. Just strange, and Ryuu knows it’s all his own doing.

He misses being oblivious. But now, when Noya’s wrist brushes against his on the walk home, when he falls asleep on Ryuu’s shoulder during bus trips, when they sleep in the same bed, Ryuu is so painfully aware of the contact, of his own heartbeat pounding against his ribcage, of the overwhelming desire to _kiss him._

Kissing Noya.

It’s still not a thought he’s entirely used to. He still doesn’t really know how to deal with it or what he should do about it.

It’s scary, because he doesn’t want things to change. He likes their friendship how it is, easy-going and simple and fun and if any of the articles he’s been reading online agree on anything, it’s that nothing complicates a good friendship like a fucking crush.

It’s not that he thinks Noya would be grossed out or avoid him or anything if he knew, but things would change. They would both be too conscious of It, and Ryuu thinks back to that moment of awkward silence in the kitchen, thinks about how much more of those might surface if he said something, and firmly decides that it isn’t worth it.

Nothing is worth risking what he has with Noya. It’s too integral to his life; Noya fits into his everyday as a given, sliding in without Ryuu ever having to think about it, and he never really got how important that is until now.

Besides, it’s a crush. Ryuu has had many crushes before. Never on a guy or one of his friends, sure, but it can’t be _that_ different, and even the biggest crush can fade with time, he reasons. He and Noya chased after Kiyoko for nearly two years, and though seeing her at their Inter High match a few months ago had still floored him, he hasn’t thought about her much at all since she graduated.

He’ll get over this.

He’s never had to hide a crush before; Ryuu has always been pretty open about his feelings, but it can’t be that hard, right?

He just has to avoid flinching whenever Noya touches him, avoid blushing whenever he gets close enough to smell the apples in his shampoo and most _definitely_ avoid popping a boner when the two of them are sleeping in the same bed.

There is one thing, however, that Ryuu knows he can’t avoid.

He walks home as usual after practice with Noya, who shoots him questioning looks the entire way, the same way he’s been doing for the past month, because Noya can always tell when something’s been bothering him. But Ryuu’s only been confronted once so far, and when he’d brushed it off Noya had dropped the subject, albeit reluctantly.

(Ryuu still remembers the look on Noya’s face though; hurt and confused, unable to comprehend that Ryuu would keep anything from him, and Ryuu hated it. He’d had his conversation with Saeko that very night.)

But Noya and patience don’t really mix well, and if the glances he’s sending Ryuu now are any indication, it won’t be long before he brings it up again, and Ryuu’s determined to beat him to it.

He slows to a halt.

Noya walks ahead maybe two paces before he seems to register that Ryuu is no longer beside him and whirls back around. “Ryuu?”

Ryuu closes his eyes and sucks in a breath. He releases it a moment later, long and slow.

“Ryuu?”

“I’m bi, Noya-san,” Ryuu blurts, before he can talk himself out of doing so.

Noya stares.

Shit, he probably should have done at least a little bit of build up, maybe.

Too late now, though. It’s out in the open, and Ryuu can hear the blood rushing in his ears. He can’t read Noya’s expression, but he stares him down firmly anyway. Lets him know that he’s not joking.

“Ryuu…” Noya starts, and then stops. He exhales noisily. “Is this why you’ve been acting so weird lately?”

“...Yeah.”

Partly, anyway.

“Oh.” Noya looks oddly contemplative, nose scrunched up and his gaze searching. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That... Yeah. I get that.”

Ryuu shifts uncomfortably. He hates this, hates not knowing what Noya is thinking. “You get that?”

Noya suddenly seems to remember himself, and hurriedly continues, “Oh, dude, it’s cool, I promise! I don’t care!”

“...You don’t?”

Ryuu will deny the strain in his voice to his fucking grave.

“Of course not!”

“Oh,” Ryuu says, feeling about two feet tall. “Alright then.”

Noya frowns, unsurprisingly sensing Ryuu’s discomfort. He sighs again, but not in an exasperated sense; it’s the kind of sigh he gives before he’s about to- yeah _that_. That look in his eyes, the one he has right before a big game, the one that screams Serious Business.

“Ryuunosuke.”

And Ryuu fucking _freezes._  Because Noya _never_ uses his full name; not unless he’s seriously pissed or about to say something very very very important, and Ryuu can count the instances it’s actually happened on one hand.

In an instant, Noya has one hand fisted in Ryuu’s shirt and has yanked him down to eye level, fixing him with a gaze so piercing it strips Ryuu right down to his core, until all that’s left of the two of them is raw, naked honesty.

Ryuu is pretty sure he left his breath somewhere five centimetres upwards. He’s half glad that he can’t bring himself to break Noya’s stare, because he’s certain he’d end up looking at his lips instead, and Ryuu knows that the two of them can be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, but not here, not in moments like this when Noya can see _everything._

“Ryuunosuke,” Noya repeats unflinchingly. It’s not a tone to be questioned. “I don’t _care._ ”

Ryuu believes him.

He nods dumbly, unable to do much else. Noya’s eyes stay locked to his own for a few more seconds before he seems satisfied with whatever he finds there. He drops his grip and steps away, returning Ryuu’s nod as the heat dribbles out of his gaze.

“Good!” Noya declares with a startling sense of finality, already tugging Ryuu’s elbow in an attempt to prompt him into walking again. Ryuu thinks that maybe Noya is overestimating his abilities right now, but stumbles after him anyway.

His pulse hasn't slowed down yet.

“...So, you wanna check out guys too when we go out this weekend?” Noya continues easily, sounding genuinely curious, as if that was that, that this is a normal thing that they’re just going to incorporate into their everyday lives from now on.

Maybe it is.

Ryuu stares at the hand gripping his arm, warm and firm and solid and stupidly comforting, and follows it up to the libero it's attached to.

_Noya doesn’t care._

He wonders if Noya will notice if he wipes his eyes with his sleeve. He does it anyway, and if Noya sees, he doesn’t say a damn word.

He’s a good friend like that.

 

* * *

 

(Hinata sobs like a baby at graduation, and Ryuu swears that that’s the only thing that sets him off. He’s a dirty liar, but it’s okay. Noya’s crying too.)


	5. v.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOOOO BOY WE'RE SHIFTIN INTO ENDGAME NOW SONNY
> 
> also the next chapter might take a bit longer bc exams are awful and so is the internet BUT REST ASSURED. its coming. i stg. shoutout to my wonderful friend [tmntransformer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tmntransformer) who has put up with me yelling about tananoya 24/7 and also promo'd this fic in her own amazing [kurodai](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5203640/chapters/11993576) fic!!

**v.**

 

Living with Noya is probably, Ryuu thinks, the coolest thing to ever happen to him. Right after actually meeting the guy, of course.

It’s weird, at first; getting used to new routines, not seeing each other at school anymore but coming home to the other instead, living together in a way that’s very similar to the way they were practically doing in their last year of high school (their whole lives, really. Noya has had his own pair of slippers at Ryuu’s since they were nine) and yet so incredibly different at the same time.

Almost every day, Ryuu is woken up sometime around six in the morning by Noya launching a pillow into his face as he passes by Ryuu’s bedroom door. After that, Ryuu has about five to seven minutes to drag himself out of bed before Noya will barge in and throw open the blinds, and Ryuu will flail a lot before falling out of bed and Noya will stand there and _laugh._

(He misses having Noya in the bed with him, honestly, but he’s not about to bring that up.)

Ryuu will then shuffle into the kitchen to either make the two of them breakfast or, if he’s still feeling salty about his wake up, half-ass the entire thing and purposefully burn Noya’s toast. Once Noya himself emerges from the bathroom, hair gelled and fully decked out in his practice gear, they’ll both inhale their food (after Ryuu has dodged the piece of toast that may or may not exist that day as Noya chucks it at his head) and a slightly more awake Ryuu will then take his turn in the shower.

When he comes back, it’s usually to find Noya hopping about with one shoe, whining about possibly being late for his morning practice and frantically searching for whatever he’s forgotten that day. Ryuu will then help find said thing, usually stuffed down the back of the couch or somewhere equally weird, and toss it and Noya’s gym bag in the direction of the door.

He’ll hear a bang behind him as he turns back to his own room, usually accompanied by a cry of “ROLLING…. THUNDERRRRRRR!!!” as Noya catches his stuff, followed by a rushed farewell before the door slams shut.

It’s far too quiet once Noya has left, so Ryuu always ends up getting dressed blasting music at a volume far too inappropriate for 7am, but there haven’t been any complaints yet, and Ryuu figures that _someone_ would have spoken up by now if there was an issue. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Once dressed, Ryuu will slide into the kitchen in his slippers, loudly belting out the lyrics to music only Noya knows he listens to, and start preparing two bento boxes; one for himself and one to leave on the table for Noya to collect when he comes back for his break between practice and classes.

Ryuu will then head to the restaurant, where he’ll spend the day cooking food and waiting on tables during the lunch rush. Every break - and sometimes during his actual shifts if he’s feeling sneaky enough - is spent texting Noya, who keeps him occupied with a stream of minute-by-minute updates of his day, as well as a barrage of compliments about his lunch that has Ryuu standing just a little straighter, his chest squeezed tight with pride.

He’ll work straight through to six o’clock before his dad kicks him out and sends him on his way home with a hearty slap on the back. He never lets Ryuu take on the evening shift unless absolutely necessary, because it’s around that time of the day that all of his dad’s old friends and regulars drift in and according to the old man himself; “It’s considered unethical to get drunk in front of your kids, so get your ass outta here so I can get plastered in peace.”

Ryuu doesn’t have an issue with this; it means he gets home just before Noya finishes his evening practices. If his dad’s in a _really_ good mood, he’ll let Ryuu take home some leftovers for him and Noya to eat, but otherwise Ryuu has to make the choice between cooking dinner or caving and ordering takeout.

Takeout usually wins, and the delivery guy is nearly bowled over on his way up the stairs by Noya as he returns from practice, still buzzing with energy. The delivery guy is then subject to watching Ryuu lifting a very smug looking Noya into the air in triumph, the two of them howling about Noya’s victory in a race the poor dude had no idea he was even a part of.

After calming down and finally paying for their food, the two of them will retreat to the couch and play an especially competitive round of video games or seven until exhaustion catches up to one of them - usually Noya, seeing as he’s the one with all the volleyball practice and classes going on - and Ryuu gently shoves him in the direction of his room.

(And if he puts that part off for few minutes just to enjoy the feeling of Noya lying against his side, maybe chancing a glance downward and pretending, just for a little while, that it means something different? Well. No one has to know but him.)

Ryuu still has to work on Saturdays, but Noya comes to the restaurant for lunch to chat his ear off, occasionally dragging Asahi or Hinata along with him if they’re visiting for the day. He usually ends up accidentally overtiming his break when Noya’s around and getting his ear chewed off by his dad, but it’s worth it.

Besides, he knows Tanaka Jiichirou has a soft spot for Noya, otherwise he’d have kicked him out a long time ago for distracting Ryuu at work.

(He’d said as much, once, one of the few nights Ryuu worked the evening shift, when the noise was muted by an unusual blanket of coziness and the restaurant felt more like a homely bar.

“He’s a good kid, that Nishinoya,” his father had mused, watching Ryuu wipe clean a glass.

Ryuu had just grinned, wide and toothy, a vicious rush of affection filling him from head to toe. “Yeah, he’s awesome.”

The senior Tanaka was silent for a moment, until he stood up slowly, moving past Ryuu to go back to his social circle. As he passed, he clapped a hand to Ryuu’s shoulder and kept it there.

“You’re a good kid too, Ryuunosuke,” he paused, an odd sort of fondness in his gaze. Ryuu had seen the same look on Daichi’s face back in high school, usually after he’d ripped his shirt off and gotten yelled at.

Briefly, he wondered when he started comparing Daichi to his dad.

“...I know you’ll take care of each other,” Tanaka Jiichirou finished, and when Ryuu stiffened under his hand, he squeezed his son’s shoulder gently.

Ryuu had suddenly found himself thinking of Moriko, about how she must have felt, unable to talk to her own parents out of fear of rejection. A flash of anger, as he thought about how many other people probably face the same issue.

Saeko was right, he realised, letting his shoulders relax. They’re really lucky to have such a cool dad.

When he smiled again, it was softer than his usual grin. Not a lot of people get to see it.

“‘Course I’m a good kid,” he had joked. “Like father, like son, right?”

His dad snorted, and as he had left, Ryuu was comforted by the thought that no matter what, things are going to be okay, in this part of his life.)

Ryuu gets off work earlier on Saturdays, so he and Noya either use the time to go out on the town, or catch a train to Daichi and Suga’s apartment on the other side of the city and drag them out with them.

Often, they’ll go out to arcades or other small amusements, but once in awhile Suga will convince them to stay inside through bribes of alcohol and video games, whilst Daichi falls back on the couch and mourns the loss of a ‘good night’s study’. Ryuu isn’t convinced such a thing exists, and quickly slides him another beer.

Sundays are their days off, and they always persevere through whatever hangover they may or may not have from the night before to spend the first half of it practicing volleyball together.

This is probably his favourite part of the week, because Ryuu _misses_ volleyball. He misses the sting in his hands after a spike and the ache in his legs after a day of jumping. He misses the leaping thrill inside his gut after slamming through his opponent’s block and the rush of victorious glee when the ball smacks against the floor on the other side. He loves hitting Noya’s tosses, but he misses the feeling of having the libero at his back, an unshakeable pillar of defence. He misses playing with his old team.

Noya knows this more than anyone, and now every third weekend he invites the guys from his university team to play practice matches with the two of them.

The first time, when Noya pulls him into his university gym on the one day he doesn’t have to be there, to find several other guys already stretching and a net being set up, Ryuu doesn’t know what to say. He just stares, dumbfounded, until Noya shoves a pair of knee pads into his stomach and knocks the breath straight out of him.

“Hurry up, Ryuu, or they’ll start without us!”

Noya winks at him, but there’s something in his gaze that tells Ryuu he knows exactly how much this means to him. _Don’t thank me,_ it says. _It’s okay. I get it._

(And there it is again. That rush of _something,_  and Ryuu knows its name, but he’s gotten pretty good at Not Thinking about it.)

And being back on the court with Noya, playing with actual opponents again, it’s surreal. They all know who he is, of course; Karasuno made quite the name for itself whilst he was there, but they obviously weren’t prepared for him and Noya together, falling back into routines and signals they haven’t used in months (it feels like years), completely and utterly in sync.

It’s like breathing all over again.

And when Noya jumps into a libero’s toss that has grown so much from their second year as high-schoolers, sending it straight into the path of Ryuu’s waiting palm, the resounding smack of the ball against the floor as it tears through the blockers fingers is the only sound for a second, a split second before their victory sinks in.

Ryuu throws his head back, a roar of triumph ripping itself from his throat. His instinctive desire to pull his shirt over his head, however, is thwarted by Noya’s weight throwing itself on his back, screaming in his ear.

Noya clambers over his spine until his knees are digging themselves into Ryuu’s shoulders and the libero is hunched over Ryuu’s head, upper half nearly upside down as he yells in Ryuu’s face, revelling in their victory.

Ryuu’s shoulders ache, but he couldn’t give less of a shit if he tried. Noya’s face is so dangerously close to his own, his cheeks flushed and his eyes alight with excitement, and he’s still high from their win and Ryuu wonders if it would really be so bad if he just leaned forwards those last few inches and kissed him, Spider-Man-style.

( _it’s just a crush it’s just a crush it’s just a fucking crush don’t do it)_

But then one of Noya’s teammates is slapping him on the arm with a hearty congratulations and Noya’s face disappears from his vision. A second later he feels the weight sliding down and off his back, and Noya appears at his side instead.

Ryuu lets his disappointment be swept away by pride as Noya promises his questioning teammates that they’ll make these games a regular thing, and walks home with a spring in his step.

Sunday afternoons are theirs, free for them to do whatever they want. Sometimes they keep going with the volleyball, spiking and receiving until the sun starts to drift behind the horizon, and sometimes they spend it trying to re-enact whatever viral stunt Ryuu most recently spotted in his YouTube recommendations. Sometimes they’ll walk, for hours on end with no actual destination, determined to find all of Sendai’s little nooks and crannies by exploring until their feet threaten to drop off and one of them coerces a piggyback out of the other on the way back to their apartment.

And sometimes they’ll do absolutely nothing at all, retreating home to watch shitty movies together and play video games. Occasionally, they’ll go to the park, stretching themselves out on the river bank and watching the sun go down. They’ll toss rocks into the water and wrestle in the grass and talk and laugh and just _be,_  without any need for anything else.

Ryuu loves this part. He loves the way the shadows from the dying sun play on Noya’s face and he loves the orange glow of the air and the way it feels like they’re so far away from anyone else. He loves watching Noya as he talks, the way his mouth moves around the syllables and the movements his hands make when recounting a story Ryuu has already heard a million times before but loves to listen to anyway.

He loves when the sun finally disappears and the sky grows dark and he’s able to huddle into Noya’s side without any shame, complaining about the cold but making no move to get up. He loves looking up and thinking up stupid and ridiculous constellations to make up for the ones the city lights block out. He loves how stupidly romantic it all feels, even if he knows that it’s not, really.

In high school, he would have spent hours fantasizing about taking a girl out for an evening like this, watching the stars and carefully cupping her chin to bring her in for a soft, sweet kiss. He wonders if, later in life, when he’s gotten over this _thing_ with Noya, he’ll take a girl or boy to this very spot and do exactly that.

Next to him, Noya snickers as he recounts Hinata’s collision into a fruit stand the other day, arms thrown wide as he falls backwards onto the grass to demonstrate.

No, Ryuu decides, he probably won’t.

 

* * *

 

 By the time they’ve reached their second year of living together, Ryuu thinks he’s gotten pretty good at dealing with this whole crush business.

He’s learnt to embrace it rather than hide from it, letting himself relax into Noya’s touch and enjoying the butterflies it creates, carding his fingers through Noya’s hair when the other falls back onto his lap to complain about his workload and not even bothering to restrain the affection in his gaze, pushing little boundaries here and there, just to see what he can get away with.

It’s a lot easier than hiding it, and he’s quite glad that Noya’s uncanny perception doesn’t appear to apply to this kind of thing, because otherwise there’s no way he wouldn’t have figured it out by now. It’s more like how things were in high school, when he revelled in any attention he received from Kiyoko, except this is a lot less vocal.

And this feels so much more natural, so easy and right, like this is how things _should_ be.

Maybe that’s what makes the downs so harsh too, when Ryuu has to stop himself from actually crossing the line, from entwining his fingers with Noya’s as they walk or sliding his hands under his shirt when they hug, every time he looks over and has to reign in the overwhelming urge to kiss him until their lips swell because _it’s not his place._

It’s unbelievably hard, being so close and not _there._  Everything Ryuu wants, hovering just out of his reach.

It fucking sucks sometimes, hits him hard in a way the inevitability of a crush not working out never has before, but he deals with it.

He’ll get over it.

 

* * *

 

 Ryuu does not get over it.

He _tries,_  honestly. He really does.

A very pretty young woman comes into the restaurant during his serving shift, and, as he usually is with pretty young women, Ryuu finds himself rather star-struck as he takes her order - that, at least, hasn’t changed.

He doesn’t expect her to leave him her name and number, and he’s left staring after her retreating figure for a moment, dumbfounded, before he whips his phone out to text Noya.

* * *

 

That evening, Noya barrels through their front door and _leaps_ at Ryuu, knocking him to the floor with a yell and grabbing him by the sides of his face.

“TELL ME EVERYTHING.”

“I already did!”

“Was she cute?!”

“Yes!”

“Was she nice!?”

“Yes!”

“Was her handwriting neat?!”

“See for yourself!” Ryuu shoves the neatly folded scrap of paper into Noya’s fingers, and watches his friend open it carefully, as if holding a priceless treasure.

Noya gazes at the name and numbers for a long moment, awed. “Dude, did you even _ask_ for this?”

Ryuu shakes his head wordlessly. He’s still reeling from the encounter, pride and excitement and shock all rolled into one, because a girl _approached_ him! A very cute girl asked him out on a _date!_ A very very nice and pretty young woman thinks that he is _dateworthy,_  and if only he could go back to high school and tell fifteen-year-old Ryuu about this, he’d be so happy, and-

Noya whistles. “...So, you’re gonna call her, right?”

Ryuu’s thought process grinds to a halt.

He… hasn’t actually thought that far ahead. He’d been too caught up in the joy of having actually been asked out for the first time in his life to consider whether or not he actually wants to _date_ this woman.

He thinks about it, about holding hands with her - _Shinozaki Yumiko, the name on the paper read_ \- and taking her out for a romantic dinner. He thinks about going to the movies with her and slipping an arm around her shoulders, about walking her home and ending the night with a chaste kiss.

It’s not an unpleasant thought, and it fits in perfectly with what he has always thought about for a date, but it still feels… off.

He knows why.

But this could be his chance to change that. He could go out with Shinozaki and find that they have loads in common and the date could go amazingly well, and by the end of three dates he could end up falling hard for this girl and getting _over_ his current, useless crush in favour of getting an actual, attainable, real-life girlfriend.

“Get me my phone.”

Noya grins, and Ryuu tries to pretend that the sight doesn’t feel bittersweet.

 

* * *

 

Shinozaki, as it turns out, is _awesome._

She’s pretty and excitable and funny and a _baseball player._  Her hair is short; an undercut with a bunch of blonde highlights, and so is she, but she’s got a certain kind of presence and power about her that Ryuu finds himself liking quite a lot.

Their date goes great despite a few awkward hiccups, and he enjoys himself immensely. She invites him out again, and again, and at the end of their third date she tugs him down into a kiss and he enjoys that too.

It doesn’t set his skin on fire or send his heart into overdrive like the not-kisses with Noya did, but that’s okay, he thinks. It’ll happen eventually.

(It doesn’t.)

 

* * *

 

“Hey, you just got off work, right? Are you free tonight?” Shinozaki’s voice is muffled slightly, both by the phone and what sounds like whatever she’s snacking on.

Ryuu slows in his step slightly, frowning. “Sorry, Shino-chan, not tonight.”

She makes a questioning sound into the receiver. “Why not?”

He turns a corner, his apartment finally coming into sight. “There’s this movie that Noya-san and I have been waiting for for months, and tonight’s opening night! It looks _awesome_ , it’s this action about this girl and her team of superheroes and the effects look _amazing_ and- well, we promised we’d go and see it together no matter what.”

“Must be some movie, if you’re willing to trade it for a possible make-out session with your girlfriend.”

Ryuu goes pink. “Um.”

Shinozaki laughs. “No, no, I see how it is! Abandon me for Nishinoya, why don’t you? Just go ahead and crush my fragile, maiden heart!”

“That’s not- I mean, you can come with, if you want!” Ryuu offers, and then immediately feels guilty for hoping she’ll say no.

“I’m kidding, Tanaka-kun,” she says, and then pauses. “I think… I think I get it. Go have fun with your friend. I’m more of a psychological thriller kind of girl, anyway.”

“Cool,” Ryuu says, even though he has a feeling things are distinctly Not Cool.

* * *

 

This is confirmed about three days later, when Shinozaki comes around after his Friday shift and takes him out for coffee.

He takes note of her expression, the slump of her shoulders and her fingers drumming on the table, and thinks he knows where this is going.

“Look, Tanaka-kun,” she starts, chewing her lip. She exhales noisily. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

Ryuu’s face falls, and in return she looks almost pained.

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” she continues quietly. “I do.”

He frowns. “Then what’s the problem?”

Shinozaki stares at him like the answer should be obvious. “The problem is that you don’t like me.”

“That’s not true!” Ryuu says immediately, because it _isn’t._  He _does_ like her. Just-

“Not the way you like Nishinoya, anyway.”

He freezes.

She waves her hands about in an almost frustrated manner, and it contrasts oddly with the amused expression on her face. “I thought I was just imagining it at first, but… you look at him like- like the sun shines out of his ass, you know? And he’s like, the number-one priority, _always_. Everyone else comes second to him in your world, and everything else can wait, because he’s the person that makes you happiest.”

Ryuu swallows heavily.

Shinozaki continues, a small smile on her lips. “It’s okay, you know. I get it. It’s hard, liking someone you don’t think you can ever have. You think distance will help, that you can shift your attention onto other people at will and have it all be okay, and sometimes it is! But-”

She leans back in her chair and sighs, her gaze glued to her drink. “We’ve been seeing each other for three months, Tanaka-kun, and trust me, if your attention hasn’t shifted by now, then it’s probably not going to.”

There’s something in the way she says that that sets off a little bell inside Ryuu’s head. He runs with the idea before he can think too hard about it. “Is that how it is with you?”

Shinozaki jumps guiltily. After a moment, though, she relaxes and lets her smile return. “...Yeah, I guess it is. I suppose that makes me a bit of a hypocrite, doesn’t it?”

“No!” Ryuu says automatically, “It just, uh... Makes for another thing we have in common?”

She stares at him incredulously for a second before letting out a loud laugh. “God, Tanaka-kun, you’re such a _dork!_ ”

He huffs. “Am not!”

“Are so!” she retorts, and then grins, a thoughtful and faraway sort of smile on her face. “I guess that’s my type though, isn’t it?”

Ryuu doesn’t really what to say to that, and she doesn’t appear to expect an answer anyway.

He stares into his cup for a few moments, thinking about how things are and how they should have been. He buries his head into his hands and groans.

“This sucks.”

“Yup.”

“You’re like, my dream girl,” he says miserably. “If we’d met before I started feeling stuff for Noya-san…”

Shinozaki raises her eyebrows at him. “And how long ago would _that_ have to have been?”

When Ryuu doesn’t answer, she reaches across the table and squeezes his hand gently, once, before retreating again, and Ryuu knows that’s the last time it’s going to happen.

“Love’s a bitch, Tanaka-kun,” she says, and starts off a domino trail inside Ryuu’s head.

He pays for her coffee, and Shinozaki walks home alone.

* * *

 

Ryuu returns to his apartment to find Noya on his feet in front of the couch, yelling at the television and waving his controller around like it will help his avatar steer.

For a moment, the crushing disappointment of his breakup is muted by a quick surge of affection, and his lips twitch.

He flops down heavily next to Noya on the couch, who nudges his side in lieu of an actual greeting, his eyes focused on the screen.

“So, how was your daARGH YOU STUPID- THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Noya roars, furiously mashing buttons.

Ryuu doesn’t answer him. He doesn’t know how.

“Ryuu?” Noya casts him a glance, finally, and must not have liked whatever he found in Ryuu’s expression because the game is immediately paused. “Dude, you alright?”

Ryuu shrugs. He doesn’t know, honestly. He’s _sad,_  sure, but not in the way he feels like he should be after breaking up with his first ever girlfriend.

Beside him, Noya shifts, lifting his legs so that he can face Ryuu cross-legged on the couch. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“...No,” Ryuu admits. “She, uh. Broke up with me.”

Noya’s eyes go wide. “ _What?!_ Why?!”

Ryuu wonders what would happen if he told him exactly why; that his girlfriend had broken up with him because even _she_ had figured out that it’s not her hands he wants to hold and it’s not her lips he wants to kiss and it’s not _her_ that Ryuu wants to be dating, it’s the guy sitting next to him on the couch, his best friend and partner in crime and roommate and pretty much everything _but_ his boyfriend.

“She… There’s someone else, that she likes.”

Not a lie. Just a half truth, a reason they’d only figured out halfway through the conversation. Ryuu is kind of glad for it, honestly. He would feel so much worse if there wasn’t someone else Shinozaki had her eyes on. Knowing that they were both running away from similar things makes the whole situation a hell of alot easier to swallow.

But Noya doesn’t know this, and he looks _outraged._

“Someone _else?"_  he growls. “What the hell could they have over you?!”

“Noya-san-”

Noya cuts him off, pressing forward to balance on his knees and grabbing Ryuu’s face tightly between his hands, his gaze threatening to sear a hole straight through Ryuu’s skull. “You listen to me, Ryuu. It’s _her_ loss. You’re like, the _coolest_ guy I know! If she can’t see that, then she’s missing out. Anyone would be fucking _lucky_ to have you.”

_Even you?_

Ryuu firmly swallows words that threatens to fight their way out of his throat and shuts his eyes the second they start to sting.

 _Love’s a bitch,_  Shinozaki had said, and Ryuu’s never let himself approach the word before. Not in this context, because he knows he loves Noya, of _course_ he loves Noya. But being _in love_ is a totally different thing, and it means acknowledging the terrifying reality of it all. It means acknowledging that this isn’t just a frustrating, harmless crush that will fade in time anymore, and it means acknowledging the fact that Ryuu is totally, utterly _fucked._

God.

He’s such an idiot.

 _How long ago would_ **_that_ ** _have to have been?_

He thinks about his first kiss, the one shared with Noya as a dumb dare between friends and remembers the fierce fire it had lit in his gut, the panic of a realization he had immediately shot dead in it’s tracks before it could become a coherent thought. Was it back then, that it had started?

Or was it even further? Was it laying across his porch in summer heat and sharing popsicles and pointing out strangers in the street, wrestling in the sand and sleeping in the same bed when winter made the spare futon a notion to be scoffed at?

He thinks about volleyball on the weekends and stumbling tipsy into 24-hour takeout places and the way Noya always drums his fingers in a specific rhythm when he’s restless. He thinks about that day three years ago in his kitchen, the smoke in the air and the batter on his nose and the kiss that should have been so much more, and he thinks about the Sundays spent watching shadows play on Noya’s skin and the night in their third year Noya had spent sobbing into Ryuu’s shoulder, convinced he was going to fail his exams and that Ryuu would have to leave him behind, and Ryuu had held him so tight it hurt and told him _fuck that_ because he wasn’t ever going anywhere without him.

He wonders if there was ever actually a point in his life when he _wasn’t_ in love with Noya.

He opens his eyes again, and Noya stares back at him resolutely, his gaze completely honest. “You deserve someone just as awesome as you, Ryuu.”

He hopes the rest of the universe finds this irony _fucking hilarious,_  because Ryuu sure as hell isn’t laughing.

He needs to move away from Noya’s face before he does something really stupid, like kiss him.

He buries his face into Noya’s shoulder instead, and has to stifle a sob when he feels a pair of arms wrap around his back and a cheek press against the soft fuzz of hair he’s only just decided to grow out again.

_Shit._

 

* * *

 

“Well, you are well and truly fucked,” Yamamoto solemnly informs him.

“Gee, thanks for letting me know,” Ryuu grunts over the rim of his glass, his gaze travelling away from his incredibly unhelpful friend in favour of idly regarding the bar.

“I can’t believe I never noticed!” Yamamoto moans, falling back in his seat. “I mean, I knew you guys were best bros and all, but I should have twigged that there was something else going on there.”

“There _isn’t_ anything going on.”

“But you want there to be!” he points out. “I mean, you look at him like- like…”

“Like the sun shines out of his ass?” Ryuu reluctantly supplies, and Yamamoto snaps his fingers.

“Yes, that! Exactly like that!”

Ryuu groans and smacks his head against the table. Yamamoto’s glass wobbles. “This sucks so bad, Tora. What the hell am I supposed to _do_?”

Yamamoto scratches his chin thoughtfully before taking another swig of his drink. “Way I see it, you’ve got four options.”

Ryuu’s head snaps up. Four is a pretty nice number. “Lay them on me, man.”

“Option one; tell Nishinoya.”

“No,” Ryuu says immediately. “Not happening.”

“Why not? Look, Tanaka, how do you even know he doesn’t feel the same? What if he’s off spending nights guzzling alcohol with that Azumane and crying about how _you’ll_ never love him back?”

“Noya-san isn’t exactly subtle about that kind of thing.” Ryuu knows this for a fact. Noya is constantly coming home from a day of classes, talking animatedly about whichever girl has caught his eye this week.

“I thought the same thing about you, but here we are! If _you’ve_ been able to keep all the shit you feel about this on the down-low, maybe he has too.”

Ryuu just shakes his head miserably. “I would have known, trust me. He doesn’t hide from shit like this.”

Yamamoto sighs, rubbing his cheek with one palm. “You know, in all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never hidden from anything either.”

He doesn’t have a good answer to that, and returns to nursing his glass. After a moment, his former rival continues, “Even if he _doesn’t_ turn out wanting to jump your bones, it’s not like he’s gonna go anywhere, you know? You guys have like, the tightest friendship I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty sure you could kill a man and he’d still help you hide the body.”

Ryuu chews the inside of his cheek. “I _know_ , it’s just…” He groans. “Everything will be different.”

“I’m not gonna lie; things will probably get awkward as hell for a while. But it’ll pass. And maybe, if you tell him and you get a straight up rejection, you can finally find, I dunno, some closure or something?”

Ryuu winces at ‘rejection’, and takes a long swig of his drink to combat it. Whatever the hell Yamamoto bought him, it’s strong as hell and exactly what he needs.

Yamamoto frowns at him. “Everything else in your life, you’ve faced down like a goddamn bullfighter, Tanaka. So why not this?”

He stares into his glass and watches the liquid gently fizz. “...It’s too important.”

His friend huffs with exasperation. “Fine then; option two is to lie down on the ground and embrace the idea of living in a state of horrendous pining and constant heartbreak for the rest of your life and never let yourself find true love because you’re still hung up on your best friend.”

Ryuu shoots him a dark look, his face pulling into a threatening scowl. “Don’t be an ass, Tora.”

Yamamoto’s face softens slightly, but he’s still frowning. “Option three is to try distancing yourself from Nishinoya and hope that the pining ends before your friendship does. I mean, every romance novel out there tries that and it usually ends up going straight into the shitter, but you’re free to give it a go.”

The idea makes Ryuu feel slightly sick. “Option four?” he asks weakly.

Yamamoto stretches back in his chair, hand already moving towards his wallet. “Option four is, you let me buy you another round or three of the strongest shit they have here and get piss drunk, and leave tomorrow’s Tanaka to figure out which of options one to three he wants to go with.”

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

 

Two hours later sees Ryuu with one arm around Yamamoto’s shoulders and the other tightly clutching his fi… sixth? Eighth drink? He’s not too sure, and he doesn’t particularly care, too caught up trying to make his words come out right to concentrate on much else.

“He’s just got this… this _thing,_  you know? This thing that just makes you _look_ at him, all the time!”

“Dude, that’s awesome.”

“It’s _distracting_ as fuck, is what it is!” Ryuu whines.

Yamamoto sways slightly, glaring into his own glass. “Oh. Then, it’s fucking rude of him!” he amends. “How dare he do that kind of shit to your head!?”

“Right!” Ryuu agrees vehemently, stumbling slightly when he nods his head too forcefully. “I mean, it’s not fair! How was I _not_ supposed to fall when he does shit like that!?”

“Yeah!” Yamamoto roars, lifting his glass in assent. “It’s totally not your fault!”

“He just needs to stop being so…!” Ryuu waves his hands around wildly. “You know!”

“Yeah!”

“And kissable!”

“Yeah!”

“Urgh,” he groans, slumping against the wall. His energy has been coming in swings. “I’m so _gone,_  Tora. You know he had this bit of ice cream on his lip the other day, and I almost fucking licked it off?”

“That’s fucking gross.”

“I know!” Ryuu frowns. “How the hell did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Chikara.”

Yamamoto snorts. “Ryuu, I can tell you all the ways I _do_ Chikara, but I promise that you won’t like it.”

“ _Dude!"_  Ryuu hisses, shoving him roughly and feeling quite satisfied when the other man nearly keels over. “You’re worse than Neesan! You _know_ what I mean, asshole.”

“Can’t really compare it though,” Yamamoto points out once he has regained some semblance of balance again. “Chikara and I didn’t grow up together and we definitely were never in the Bro Zone. More like the Holy Shit That Dude Is Fine I Can’t Believe I Ever Thought I Was Straight, Here’s A Shitty Pick-Up Line That You Hopefully Find Endearing Zone.”

Ryuu stares at him.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you’re still sober enough to pronounce all those words.”

Yamamoto looks an odd mix of thoughtful and disgusted. “...You’re right. Let’s get another round.” 

* * *

 

Something’s buzzing.

“Dude. Who the fuck is playing the…” Ryuu wracks his brain, but the words he wants aren’t there. “The song. The one with all the giants and shit. And the wall.”

“Huh?” Yamamoto detaches himself from his side long enough to tug his phone out of his pockets. “Dude, was that a fucking diss on SnK?”

“Answer it!”

Yamamoto does, and his expression changes instantly. “Nishinoya! We were just talking about you!”

“Shut it!” Ryuu shoves him, but his friend just sticks his tongue out and continues talking.

“Yeah, yeah! He’s here with me, don’t sweat!” Yamamoto pauses, and then turns to Ryuu with a shit-eating grin. “Ooooooooh, he hasn’t, has he? Tanaka, Nishinoya says to answer your fucking phone next time.”

“Shit, really?” Ryuu digs a hand around in his pocket until he finds his phone and quickly unlocks it to find four texts and five missed calls from Noya.

“Shit,” he says again. “Gimme the phone.”

Yamamoto passes it to him, and Ryuu ends up missing when he goes to grab it. He tries again, and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Noya-san!” he exclaims happily. “We were just talking about you.”

“I heard,” Noya answers, and his voice sounds kind of strange, but the thought flees before Ryuu can properly grasp it. “Dude, answer your phone next time!”

“Didn’t I… didn’t I text you?” Ryuu was sure he’d told him he was going out with Yamamoto after work. At least seventy percent certain.

“Nope.”

Ryuu frowns. “Shit, I’m fucking sorry, Noya-san. I thought I’d- But Tora brought me out, and maybe I was planning on it but forgot the actual doing bit? I got kind of distracted, and then I got…” he lowers his voice to a comical whisper. “I, uh. I got kind of _drunk_.”

“Dude, you’re _wasted._ ” Noya’s voice sounds a mix between awed and annoyed. “I can’t believe you went and got drinks without me!”

“Sorry! I just. Had some stuff I needed to talk about, and I couldn’t say it if I hadn’t said it here,” Ryuu explains.

“What?”

“And I needed to talk it out with someone else, because Neesan threatened to punch me.”

Noya is quiet for a moment, and then he snorts. “You’re freaking _gone,_  aren’t you?”

“Exactly!”

“Do you need me to come pick you guys up?”

“What?” Ryuu blinks. “No. Nah. We’re just around the corner, we can walk.”

“Chikara’s picking me up in, like…. soon. He’ll meet us there,” Yamamoto pipes up from next to him, where he has been seriously encroaching on Ryuu’s space in an attempt to hear the conversation.

“You sure you can make it?” Noya asks.

“Have some faith, dude!” Ryuu frowns. “It’s weird on you. Leave the worrying to Chikara, he’s good at that… that mothering shit, you know?”

“Oi!” Yamamoto shoves him. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”

Ryuu does not understand the problem. “But it’s true?”

Yamamoto pauses, considering this. “Oh. You’re right. But still!” he adds, his lips pulled back into a threatening snarl. “Watch your tone, punk!”

“I will!” Ryuu growls back with the same tone of challenge.

“Good!”

“Great!”

“Fantastic!”

“Amazing!”

“Wow,” Noya says, and Ryuu jumps. He’d almost forgotten about his phone. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

The line goes dead rather suddenly, and Ryuu is left staring at it for a few moments in confusion.

“Tora...” he starts slowly, and then blanches at the sudden horror of realization. “Oh no. He’s _mad_ at me.”

Yamamoto looks up from where he’s been digging around in his pockets for his wallet. “Well, duh. It’s like… _late,_  Tanaka. You probably scared the shit outta him not answering your phone like that.”

Ryuu whines. “I didn’t even hear it!”

“It’s cool, I didn’t either! Honest mistake.” His friend pats his back sympathetically and nearly sends Ryuu flying from the force of it. “Plus, we didn’t invite him with us. I mean, _we_ know why we did that, but _he_ doesn’t.”

That’s... true. Fuck.

Yamamoto pays for their drinks and starts nudging him towards the door. “Don’t sweat it, he’s not good at staying mad.”

That’s also true, but it somehow doesn’t make Ryuu feel much better.

It is late, he realises once they’re outside; the city is as quiet as a city can get. The night air is cool on his skin and helps to clear his head slightly.

After a moment spent getting his bearings, he and Yamamoto set off down the road with only the occasional stumble. They walk in silence for a short while, the haze of alcohol still heavy over their heads, and it’s only once they’ve reached Ryuu’s apartment building and he has punched in the buttons on the elevator that Yamamoto speaks again.

“You really should tell him, Tanaka.”

Ryuu blinks at him. Then frowns, because, he’s pretty sure he has a whole selection of reasons why he _shouldn’t._  Reasons that he had laid out earlier this very night. Reasons like… Well, reasons he’s a bit too drunk to remember right now but he _knows_ they’re there, damn it.

He opens his mouth to tell Yamamoto exactly that, but is cut off as his friend’s arm falls around his shoulders.

“No no, hear me out, okay? Cause Tanaka, the fact is that _you,_  my friend, are a _catch_  Like, hot damn. Any dude or chick or whatever would be lucky to have a piece of this!” he exclaims, wildly gesturing to Ryuu’s whole body. “If Nishinoya’s still single and not into you even the slightest bit, then he’s probably lying to himself!”

Ryuu snorts, but doesn’t have the self-control required to stop the smile on his face. “You think so?”

“Hell yeah! Seriously dude, I think you should go for it. At least you’ll _know_ , afterwards, right? No more of this disgusting pining, just a clean road to closure and all that jazz.”

“Mmm,” Ryuu spots his apartment door as they round the next corner, but before he can take another step he suddenly finds himself being bodily spun around to face his friend, strong hands gripping both of his shoulders.

“No ‘mmm’ing!” Yamamoto says, scowling. “Look, here’s what’s gonna happen, Tanaka. I am gonna go back downstairs and wait for Chikara, and _you_ are going to march into that apartment, look Nishinoya in the eyes and tell him that you want to go _full romo._ ”

“I am?”

“Yes! No time like the present! Do it now and do it quick! Unless…” Yamamoto smirks. “You haven’t got the balls?”

Later, he’ll look back on this moment and realise how unfair this is, because if Ryuu is hopeless at controlling his competitive streak sober, there’s no way he can do it with a night’s worth of alcohol pumping through his veins. “Oi, you calling me a wuss?!”

“What if I am?”

“I’m no coward, Tora!”

“Oh yeah?!”

“Yeah!”

“Prove it!”

_bad idea bad idea bad idea baD IDEA-_

“I will!” Ryuu growls, turning on his heel and stalking down the hallway before he can quite realise what it is he’s agreed to.

Behind him, Yamamoto whoops loudly as he steps back into the elevator. “Fuck yeah, Tanaka! You do you! If he doesn’t accept, I’ll… I’ll fuckin’ suck my own dick! Chika’ll be- ”

What Ennoshita will be, however, he never finds out; the elevator door shuts and Ryuu is left, staring at his apartment door in a very suddenly quiet hallway.

The silence quickly siphons off any fire, or courage, that had been building inside him. Ryuu sighs. He reaches for the handle, only for the door to swing open of its own accord a second later. With his hand still attached to it.

“Hey, was that Tor- eurk!” Noya flails wildly for a moment in the open doorway, and it’s not until he’s being held up by his shoulders that Ryuu realises he’d fallen forward at all.

“Noya-san!” he says brightly, all other thought fleeing at the sight of his best friend. “Hi!”

Noya stares up at him with an expression Ryuu can’t quite figure out, and sighs. “Hey,” he says, already moving to hook Ryuu’s arms over his shoulders. He allows himself to be tugged into the apartment with a small giggle, sparing a moment to blindly kick his foot out behind him until it connects with the door, which moves about two inches on impact.

“No- _wait_ , Ryuu, I’ll get it in a sec,” Noya grunts, hauling him forward another few steps, and then Ryuu very suddenly feels the world tip away as Noya launches him over the couch arm.

He lands on his back on the cushions, dazedly blinking up at the ceiling, and vaguely registers the sound of Noya shutting the door. A second later, Noya’s face reappears in his vision, leaning over the back of the couch to look down on him.

Affection bubbles up in Ryuu’s chest. “Hey.”

It’s not until Noya’s expression softens that Ryuu realises he’d been frowning in the first place. “Hey, big guy. Everything alright down there?”

“Yeah,” Ryuu says, and then remembers why Noya had been frowning. He sits up enough to brace himself on his forearms. “Wait, no. You’re mad at me.”

Noya’s eyebrows furrow again, and Ryuu’s face falls. “I… I’m not _mad,_  Ryuu,” he pauses. “Okay, no. That’s a lie; I’m a bit pissed off.”

“Because we didn’t invite you?”

Noya shoves his shoulder; not hard, but it’s enough to send Ryuu sprawling back down on the cushions. “Because you didn’t come home and didn’t answer your phone for four hours!” he snaps. “You scared the shit out of me, dude! I was about to head out looking for you!”

“Oh.” Any guilt he felt at the bar is suddenly magnified tenfold. “Shit. I’m so sorry, Noya-san.”

“Yeah, well.” Noya looks away, chewing his lip. “I’d kick your ass properly, but you’re wasted, so it’d be a pretty hollow victory.”

Ryuu feels about two feet tall. “You can still kick my ass if you want.”

Noya snorts but doesn’t answer. After a moment, he sighs roughly. “...And I guess I’m also kind of ticked you didn’t invite me with you,” he admits. Then, suddenly, he groans. “Alright, I guess we’re talking about this now. Move your legs, Ryuu.”

He does, and a moment later Noya vaults the back of the couch and plops down in next to him, and then shifts so that they’re facing each other. There’s a small silence, in which Noya regards him searchingly, and Ryuu squirms slightly under his gaze.

Noya puffs his cheeks and purposefully blows air out through his mouth. “Look, you’ve been acting… _weird_ lately. Ever since you broke up with Shinozaki, which, you know, I get why that would make you act weird, that’s _okay._ ” he clarifies hurriedly. “It’s just… you haven’t said anything, you know? You’ve just been…” he sighs again. “Weird.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “On the phone, you said you had stuff you needed to talk about, that you needed to talk about with someone else, because Neesan was sick of hearing about it. So something’s _clearly_ been eating at you, but… you haven’t said anything to _me._ ” His expression looks pained, and Ryuu’s chest clenches at the thought of being the reason. “You… you know you can talk to me, right Ryuu? About anything.”

Ryuu’s mouth has gone dry. “Of course,” he croaks weakly.

Noya expression shifts into a scowl. “Well, obviously not, because you deliberately didn’t invite me, even though you were perfectly aware I’m free tonight, so you could go and have some sort of big heart-to-heart with Tora instead. And I don’t even have any clue what it was about except for the fact that apparently I’m not important enough to hear it!”

“What?! No, no, that’s not it, Noya-san!” This conversation has changed tone very suddenly, and Ryuu isn’t quite sure how to steer it into something better.

Noya stares him down firmly. “Then what is it, Ryuu?! You’ve been dodging me about- whatever this is for weeks! I thought ‘it’s fine, he just needs time to figure out how to voice it, he’ll come talk to me eventually’, but apparently Tora is your go-to guy now? And that’s-” he cuts himself off, his face twisting with the effort of finding the right words. “Look, I love Tora, but- you don’t call _me_ by my first name, and I- I thought _I_ was your best friend, _Tanaka_.”

Ryuu’s heart nearly stops. He lurches forward suddenly, desperation flaring in his gut as he grabs Noya’s shoulders and shakes him. “No no no don’t do that, dude, of _course_ you’re my best friend! You’re like, the single most important person in the whole world to me, okay?!”

“Then what the hell can you tell Tora that you can’t tell me?!”

“I-” Ryuu stops. The fight has sobered him up enough that he can see where this is headed, but the haze of alcohol is still strong enough to make him wonder whether or not he should actually try to stop it. “I don’t…”

Noya makes a frustrated sound. “Nothing? Okay, fine; then _why_ can you tell him but not me?”

_Option one it is._

Ryuu sucks in a deep breath and resists the urge to shut his eyes. “... _Because_ you’re the single most important person in the whole world to me.”

“That… makes zero sense. ” Noya frowns. Ryuu lets go of his shoulders and leans back against the couch arm with a groan.

“No, okay look,” he starts, and then stops. Because this is delicate and he’s still got a night’s worth of drinks in his veins, and this is probably a terrible, shitty idea but he’s _tired_ of all this, damn it.

He sits up and tries again. “...Shinozaki didn’t break up with me ‘cause she had her eyes on someone else.”

Noya blinks. “She… didn’t?”

“Well, she _did,_  but we only realised it halfway through the fricking conversation. I only figured it out because she was calling me out for doing the same thing, and she sounded like she was speaking from experience, you know? So she sat me down and was all like ‘I know who you’ve really got the hots for’ and I was like ‘ah shit’, but I didn’t even realise how bad I had it until she pointed it out!”

“How bad you…?”

“Because up until that point, I thought it was just a crush and that it would eventually go away, but it _hasn’t_ and it _won’t_ and to be honest it’s fucking terrifying, Noya-san, because I know it’s not going to go anywhere, and it… it hurts a lot, you know? And I feel like such an idiot, because it’s been going on since fucking high school and I’ve never been in love before, or with anyone else, and it’s scary because I don’t even know how!”

“Ryuu-” Noya looks stunned, but Ryuu can’t stop his own mouth long enough to listen.

“And it’s like everyone figured it out before I did! When I told Saeko she was just like ‘oh yeah, Ryuu, I know!’ and I was like ‘you know!?’ and she said she’s known since we were like, sixteen! Sixteen! That’s five years! And Daichi-san and Suga-san, they always gave us these _looks_ that I could never figure out, but now I’m looking back at it and I realise how much I must have looked like a damn puppy in love, and I’m not even mad because that’s exactly what I was, and still kind of am, even if I’m not as dumb about it anymore.”

Ryuu buries his face in his hands. “And even Shinozaki, who I only dated for _three months,_  figured it out. Like, how stupid must I have been if my own girlfriend realised I was in love with someone else before I did?”

He takes a deep breath and waits a few moments for the burning in his eyes to recede before continuing. “I… I never said anything, because I know it’s pointless, and the feelings aren’t mutual, because I’d know if they were, and I feel so stupidly _guilty_ about everything because I feel like I’m being a shitty friend, wanting more when I already have something so amazing.”

“And,” he peeks up through his fingers at Noya. “I wanted to talk to you about it, I really did. If it was anyone else, I _would_ have, you know I would have! But I couldn’t and it was scary because I didn’t want things to change and I _don’t_ want things to change and it just-” He cuts himself off with a frustrated whine. “It _sucks._ ”

There is a long, poignant silence. Ryuu watches Noya’s expression cycle through shock, confusion, and then finally, understanding. His stomach drops at the same time as Noya’s jaw.

“Oh,” Noya says, sounding rather small. He frowns. “...Dude, if you were in love with Tora, you should have just said so.”

_what._

Noya chews his lip, looking almost pained. “No, I get it, man. That… that makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it. And with him being with Chikara… I can see why you’ve been so mopey, I guess. But still! You should have told me! I would have understood!”

Ryuu is seriously doubting Noya’s ability to understand _anything_ at the moment, because here he is laying his heart bare and he’s searching for comprehension in Noya’s eyes but finding none, and the words he wants are not there, he can’t figure out how to make him _understand_.

“Was that why you went out tonight? To tell him? Is that why he didn’t come inside with you?”

“No!” he snaps, but frustration is clogging his throat and his voice breaks slightly, and Ryuu realises with a sick jolt that his eyes are stinging again and he wants to scream because there’s no way he’s going to _cry_ about this, not now. “That’s not- I’m not in love with Tora!”

Noya leans closer, resting his hands on Ryuu’s knees in a manner that is probably supposed to be comforting but in reality just sends an electric shock straight through his skin. “Ryuu, chill. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” he hisses, and it seems Ryuu has lost control of all sense of reason, because he’s running on raw emotion and frustration and alcohol and Noya’s face is too close to his own and he honestly has no clue what he’s even doing anymore.

He kisses him.

The way he’s always wanted to.

It’s desperate and breathless and just a little bit wet from the tears falling down his cheeks, but Ryuu presses forward anyway, hoping beyond hope that he can communicate everything he’s feeling through one kiss. Noya makes a small, surprised noise against his mouth and his grip on his knees goes slack as Ryuu lifts a hand to cup his cheek.

He’s not sure how long it goes on - it could be seconds, or minutes, or _hours_ \- and for a tiny, hopeful second, Ryuu almost thinks that Noya starts kissing _back_ , but then it’s gone and suddenly there are hands on his chest, he’s thrown heavily back down on the cushions and the only thing Ryuu is sure of is that it wasn’t nearly long enough.

But then he sees the stricken look on Noya’s face; an almost helpless sort of confusion, and is suddenly crushed by weight of what he’s just done, what he’s changed, how much of a terrible, awful idea all of this was.

His stomach turns abruptly and Ryuu is instantly on his feet and sprinting towards the bathroom, falling to his knees in front of the toilet and emptying his stomach into the bowl.

He stays there for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:D  
> enjoy, nerds.


	6. + i.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whOOP MY DUDES. HERE IT IS. sorry exams and saso + keeping up with the blogs are rly kicking my arse atm BUT I FINISHED IT. FOR YOU GUYS. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.  
> ALSO we passed????? 100 kudos?? ? ? ?? im dead????? ??? Seriously though thank you all so so much for your support it means the WORLD to me, and a HUGE thank you to everyone who left a comment because those are what kept me going lmao.
> 
> AND U KNOW WHAT ALSO KEPT ME GOING. MY SQUAD. MY DUDES. [KATE](http://mokuba.tumblr.com/), [HANNAH](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tmntransformer), [LAYLA](http://tankasaeko.tumblr.com/) and [MIRA](https://twitter.com/kougamira). my guys ilu all so much thank u for gently shoving me along the way and motivating me or in kate's case BRIBING ME WITH ART but you guys are great thank you for existing <3 <3  
> ALSO WARNING: The rating on this fic has officially gone UP. which means smut my dudes. If u ain't with that then I suggest you ctrl+f to 'He could stay like this forever, probably.' after reading 'There’s a heat in his stomach'
> 
> and finally, i HIGHLY recommend u all go check out my [TanaNoya playlist](http://8tracks.com/stalematebecks/you-ve-got-your-bullfighter-jacket-on) for this fic!

**\+ i.**

 

The next morning, Ryuu opens his eyes, groans, and immediately shuts them again.

He feels… urgh. Like shit, if he’s being totally honest. He shifts under the blankets; it’s far too hot for them but he can’t bring himself to care enough to kick them off. He just wants to curl up in his nice little cocoon until his headache recedes.

It could be worse, he supposes. There’s no nausea, but he likely got all of that over and done with last night when he was-

Last night.

Ryuu bolts upright and instantly regrets it when his headache spikes painfully. He hunches over, moaning into his hands and waiting for his head to clear enough for him to think properly about what a colossal fuck-up he is.

Last night, he’d said- and then he’d-

He kissed Noya.

Not the kind of kiss that can be laughed off or brushed aside as a weird accident, a big, dumb, just-delivered-a-rambling-confession-of-shit-that-was-supposed-to-never-get-said-and-then-drunkenly-attacked-you-with-my-mouth kind of kiss.

Shit.

Ryuu glances over to his bedside table in search of his phone - he needs both the time and the ability to contact Saeko - and instead finds a glass of water and some painkillers, courtesy of Noya, undoubtedly. He’s also been dressed into his pajamas, something which Ryuu is fairly sure he hadn’t done himself seeing as he can’t remember much past his upchucking session in the bathroom, so that must be Noya’s doing too. Which means he isn’t mad at Ryuu.

Somehow, that makes him feel worse. Mad Noya he can deal with, at least now that he’s sober. Noya _should_ be mad at him. But this; this is completely unknown territory and if he’s being totally honest, the idea of walking out that door to face it scares the shit out of him.

But his phone is out there somewhere, along with any hope of talking to his sister so that he can find out how the fuck to fix this, and he also kind of needs to pee.

Slowly, he swings his feet over the side of the bed and into his slippers. The painkillers and water disappear quickly and, after a moment or two of hesitation, Ryuu heaves himself to his feet.

He has no idea what time it is, but a glance at the small patches of faded sunlight filtering past the blinds tells him that it’s likely sometime around noon. He’s lucky that it’s Sunday; his father would _kill_ him if he came in this late.

It’s with a sick sort of jolt that Ryuu realizes he and Noya probably won’t be playing volleyball today.

Maybe not for a long time, now.

He stares at the door for a long moment. Noya is out there; he should probably have some sort of plan - or anything, really - ready, but thinking about the possible directions that conversation could go in is making him all panicky again, so he doesn’t. Instead, he bites the bullet and swings open his bedroom door.

He’ll wing it, he decides.

After all, things can’t get much worse than this.

He peeks his head outside and breathes a sigh of relief when he finds the coast clear. He’d really like to use the bathroom before his and Noya’s friendship is ruined forever.

He slips down the hall as quietly as possible and locks the bathroom door behind him to take care of his business. He debates showering, but quickly decides against it; it feels too normal, too much like running away and brushing off last night’s events like nothing, especially considering Noya is probably waiting for him to wake up so they can talk. He’ll shower afterwards. Maybe it’ll help wash off the shittiness he’ll undoubtedly be feeling after the conversation.

He does rinse his face, though, and brushes his teeth. His mouth doesn’t taste as much like shit as he’d expect after a hangover, and wonders if Noya had helped him brush his teeth before he’d helped Ryuu’s drunken ass  into bed.

He rests his head against the mirror and whines softly. Noya is such a good guy, and a good fucking friend and Ryuu has fucked everything up.

He needs to fix this, to find someway to salvage things before they get worse. He won’t lose Noya over this, he _can’t_.

He splashes more water on his face until he feels droplets dripping down his neck, and scrubs his cheeks until they’re red and raw. The he smacks his hands down on them - _hard_ \- his cool, wet palms magnifying the sharp sound as it resonates throughout the small bathroom. His headache does not thank him for it, but he feels a bit better anyway.

“Get it together, Ryuu,” he growls at his reflection. He can’t take back what he did last night, but he’ll find someway to fix it. He has to. No matter what.

With that, he turns on his heel and stalks out of the bathroom, his head held as high as he can manage.

“Noya-san?” he calls out hesitantly, wincing slightly at the sound.

No answer.

Ryuu frowns, peeking his head into the open doorway of Noya’s bedroom, then the kitchen, and then finally the living room.

“Noya-san…?”

And then he spots Noya’s slippers by the front door where his shoes should be. Ryuu’s stomach drops like a stone.

Noya isn’t here.

He _left._

And there’s a flare of irritation at that, because here he is, finally trying to face everything, and Noya has _run away._

Well, Ryuu’s not standing for it. He spots his jacket draped over the back of the couch and marches over, reaching into the pockets and digging around until he feels the familiar shape of his phone. He pulls it out and unlocks it - it’s holding on at a pitiful three percent battery but it’s still got juice - fully intent on calling Noya because they are going to _talk_ about this, god damn it-

And then he spots his texts.

 **Ennoshita! :)** ****  
_Tora is dead to the world so I’m guessing you’re not any better off. Remember to drink water._ _  
_ ****_08:18_

 

 **✧ Asahi-san ✧** ****  
_Noya told me what happened. You okay?_ _  
_ ****_09:34_

 

 **Yamamoto (ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ )** ****  
_Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no more alcohol ever wtf happened last night_ _  
_ ****_10:39_

 

 **Noya-san!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** ****  
_dont go anywhere._ _  
_ ****_10:52_

The anger flees as quickly as it came, as if he’s been doused with cold water. The fight leaves him with a shaky exhale, and Ryuu spends a few moments staring at his phone, trying to get his thoughts in order.

It figures that Noya would go to Asahi for guidance in this situation, when he couldn’t talk to Ryuu or Saeko (and there’s another blow to his stomach at that, the shame wanting to make him fold up inside of himself for putting Noya in a confusing situation like this and inadvertently cutting him off from the two people he trusts most).

Asahi is asking if he’s okay; does that mean that Noya has decided that he needs space from Ryuu, and Asahi thinks Noya’s already talked to him about it? Or is he just working off the foresight that Ryuu is probably freaking out right now anyway?

Ryuu’s fingers hover over his phone, itching to text back and ask what Noya had said, how he feels about all this, but he resists. No more hiding, no more subtlety, no more miscommunication; he needs to talk to Noya himself, and the last thing he wants to do is force Asahi into the uncomfortable position of the middle man. He’s not about to fuck up another good friendship, especially when Asahi was nice enough to check in on him.

He ignores the texts from Ennoshita and Yamamoto for now; they’re not nearly as relevant at the moment. He wants to be mad at Yamamoto for getting him so drunk the previous night, for all the pushing to confess, but he knows it’s unfair to do so. Everything Ryuu did is on him and him alone.

And then there’s Noya’s text.

He doesn’t know how to feel about it. Noya’s telling him not to go running off anywhere, which means that he’s probably gonna come back at some point - well, he would have to anyway, he does _live_ here - but there’s no emojis or exclamation points and a full stop is _never_ a good sign with Noya. Apprehension coils unpleasantly inside his gut. His phone is telling him it was sent about half an hour ago; is that when Noya left the house? Did Ryuu only just miss him? He thinks about answering, but what the hell is he supposed to say? The only things he can think of telling Noya right now have to be said face to face, not through a measly text.

His dilemma is solved for him a second later when his phone flickers, and then dies.

He breathes in slowly, shutting his eyes.

He thinks he’ll take that shower, now.

 

 

* * *

 

"Sorry Ryuu,” Saeko’s voice crackles out of the speaker. “I'm afraid only a qualified professional can help you undo that level of fuck up-ery."

“I thought you _were_ a qualified professional,” he points out, staring into the cup of tea she had instructed him to make. “Weren’t you the one who kept telling me to confess?”

Saeko snorts. “What you just described wasn’t a confession, it was a _trainwreck_.”

Ryuu groans, and lets his chin slip out of his hands and his forehead connect with the table with a dull thunk. Some of his tea splashes over the rim of his cup onto his ear and he recoils with a hiss.

He shoots his mug a dirty glare and rubs his ear gingerly. “Neesan, what the hell am I supposed to _do?"_

His sister sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Ryuu. The only thing you really can do at this point is wait for him to get back and… lay everything out, I guess. No holding back. As clearly as humanly possible.”

He shuts his eyes and palms one with his free hand. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Saeko pauses. “Look little brother, I can’t say too much but… Don’t freak, okay? I have a feeling things are gonna work out just fine with you two.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because it’s you two,” she says instantly, and he can’t see her but he knows exactly what kind of grin she has on her face. “Because he needs you as much as you need him, and because… well. It’s not my place to tell you. Call it my amazing sisterly intuition!”

“Right.” He resists the urge to to roll his eyes for a split second before remembering that she can’t see him through the phone and rolls to his heart’s content.

“Look, Ryuu-” There’s some shuffling on the other end. “I hate to leave you hanging, I really do, but I need to go before my boss catches me. Everything’ll be fine; don’t overthink, but for god’s sakes keep an eye on what comes out of your mouth, and if things really _do_ go to shit then come straight to my place and I’ll see you as soon as I get off of work, kay?”

Ryuu downs the rest of his tea in one go and then exhales heavily. “Okay.”

“Good.” Saeko pauses. “...Seriously, I can feel you agonising from all the way over here. Chill out, you and Yuu-chan will be fine. Love you.”

“Yeah, I-” He sighs again, reaching up a hand to scratch his cheek embarrassedly. “Love you too, Neesan,” he mumbles quietly. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” she says softly, and then hangs up the phone.

The apartment feels far too quiet after that. Ryuu frowns, leaning back in his chair until it’s teetering on it’s back legs, staring out into the hall at their front door.

The shower has helped ease the hangover and the sick feeling of apprehension in his gut, as has talking to Saeko. His sister is a lot of things, but she’s no sugar-coater. If she thinks things are probably going to be okay, there’s not much else he can do but try and believe her.

Noya wouldn’t ever consciously break off their friendship over this, he’s always known that. But there’s no going back to the way things were now. Not with this Thing hanging over their heads. Will Noya start pulling away from his casual touches now? Will Ryuu even be able to bring himself to initiate them anymore, now that he knows that Noya _knows?_

Maybe.... Maybe he’ll have to move out for a while. Just until he can get a proper grip on things. He can stay with Saeko, let Noya have some space if he wants it, and just maybe things will work out.

He covers his eyes again, groaning. He hates thinking about this. He feels stuck inside his own head, which has never been an idea he’s liked; he’s always been a man of action, of doing before thinking and acting on whims.

Well, look where _that’s_ gotten him.

He feels too restless; he kind of wants to get up and pace around the apartment but he’s afraid he might end up walking straight out the door just to go and _find_ Noya and bring him back but Noya had told him to wait but there’s only so much waiting Ryuu can take and he just wants to talk and get this _over_ with already before he-

The lock clicks.

And Ryuu panics, because actually, you know what, he’s fine waiting another five minutes because he still hasn’t actually figured out to _say_ and shit shit shit _shit shit_ **_shit-_ **

He manages to catch a glimpse of the door opening and Noya’s face in the gap before his flailing tips his chair too far backwards and he crashes to the floor with an undignified yelp.

His headache - which had been pretty thankfully docile up until this point - spikes painfully again when his back hits the floor, and Ryuu groans. He lifts his hands to shield his eyes from the light, maybe soothingly rub his temple until the pounding dies back down again, only for them to be pried away from his face a moment later by Noya, who peers down at him worriedly.

Ryuu’s breath catches.

Noya luckily doesn’t seem to notice, and continues to eye him searchingly. “You okay?”

He gingerly lifts Ryuu’s head enough to run a gentle hand around the back of his skull. Checking for injury, Ryuu reminds his traitorous heartbeat. “Yeah, I’m good,” he answers, the steadiness of his own voice surprising him.

Noya seems satisfied. “Good,” he replies, letting Ryu’s head fall back and shifting back to crouch on the balls of his feet, resting his arms on his knees. “Because from where I was standing,” he continues, his tone deadly serious. “That looked really fucking funny.”

Ryuu instinctively lifts up his hand and shoves Noya backwards by his stupid grinning face until his friend falls back onto his ass, sniggering loudly. “It didn’t _feel_ funny,” he retorts.

Noya snorts and lightly nudges him with his leg. “Understandable; you didn’t see your face _._ ”

Ryuu scowls, and returns the nudge, harder. Noya retaliates immediately, and before he can think about it they’re in a half-assed kicking war on the floor of their kitchen, which quickly morphs into a full-assed leg war with both of them on their backs bracing their feet against each other and trying to move the other one, ferocious looks on both of their faces.

Ryuu wins, eventually, and drops his feet. Noya sits up to look at him - just, look at him - with an odd sort of smile. “Hey,” he says, and Ryuu remembers how they got here in the first place.

His own smile slides away, and he watches the expression be mirrored on Noya’s face as the tension bleeds back into the room. Ryuu sits up. “Hey.”

There’s a poignant silence, in which Ryuu considers getting up and actually _voluntarily_ doing the dishes just to have something to do with his hands, before Noya speaks.

“So… how are you feeling?”

It’s deliberate and careful and just the slightest bit hesitant and pretty much everything Noya isn’t and it kind of makes Ryuu want to scream, but okay, he’ll play along.

“Kind of hungover,” he admits. “But it’s not as bad as it was when I woke up.”

Noya snorts, leaning back on his hands and staring somewhere over Ryuu’s shoulder. “I’m not surprised. I was think about stopping by Narukami’s while I was out; check that you didn’t actually _inhale_ half the bar.”

“I wasn’t that drunk,” Ryuu huffs defensively.

Noya’s gaze is on him instantly, loaded with something unreadable. “Weren’t you?”

Ryuu realises what he’s just admitted, and he wasn’t planning on _taking_ it, but it’s still rather nerve wracking watching the door to his last chance of escape slide shut. “Well…”

And Noya scooting closer doesn’t really help much, and neither does the borderline terrifying focus in his eyes. “...What do you remember?”

So they’re gonna have this conversation on their kitchen floor. Okay.

_I mean, what else._

“...I remember kissing you,” Ryuu admits in a low voice. He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to forget it. “And I remember you…”

Hands on his chest. Churning in his gut. Noya’s _face_ , like he’d ripped the world straight out from under his feet.

He squirms uncomfortably. “...Not liking that.”

Noya looks like he’s about to respond, but before he can Ryuu’s mouth is moving again.

“I’m sorry.”

Right, his apology. Good place to start. He chews the inside of his cheek, breaking away from Noya’s gaze to stare at his hands.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” he continues quietly. “I mean, I was drunk and- and I couldn’t figure out how to make you understand and it was frustrating the _hell_ out of me, and I got really caught up in the moment, but I still shouldn’t have just done it out of the blue like that. It was really shitty of me, and that’s not how I wanted you to find out.”

He forces himself to meet Noya’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Noya-san.”

Noya stares at him for a long moment, and then exhales noisily. “...It wasn’t that I didn’t- I was just-” He stops, sighs, and tries again. “After you passed out last night, I… I thought. A lot. And it was weird, because usually when something this big comes up, I go to you to talk, or Neesan, but this time I _couldn’t,_  and that…” His eyebrows furrow. “Was weird. I didn’t like it. I ended up calling Asahi.”

“I know,” Ryuu says. “He texted me this morning.”

Noya’s eyes go wide. “Did he tell you anything?”

Ryuu shakes his head. “I didn’t ask.” He pauses. “I… I figured anything you wanted me to know you’d tell me yourself. He was just checking up.”

“Oh.” The look Noya gives him is an odd mix of hesitant and thankful. “Okay. Well, I talked to Asahi, but obviously this kind of stuff isn’t his thing and he didn’t really have that much advice, but he gave his opinion on everything, and I… I realised some stuff.”

Ryuu’s heart stops for a whole second, and then launches straight into maximum overdrive. “Some... stuff?”

Noya shifts, and to anyone else he might have looked almost nonchalant, but nobody knows his body language better than Ryuu, and he can see the muscles tensing in Noya’s shoulders like there’s a huge, fuck-off, screaming neon sign pointing to them.

“So I took a train this morning and went to go see Daichi-san and Suga-san while you were still out, because I wanted to make sure, you know? This…” Noya frowns. “This isn’t something I’m gonna let myself fuck up. So I talked it out with them, and I think…” He groans. “I think I might be a colossal fucking idiot.”

Ryuu’s mouth has gone dry. “What do you mean?”

Noya huffs softly. “I mean… it was like I’d just built up these big barriers, you know? Without even realising it. Barred off the entire idea and never even let myself _think_ about it, but it was still happening, you know? Right under my nose, and I never even noticed!”

It’s like someone’s trying to start a lighter in his chest, and his heart’s drenched in gasoline. It keeps sparking, little bursts one after the other but not enough to light it just yet, and Ryuu dares to fucking hope.

“And it’s like,” Noya runs a hand through his hair. “It’s like I’m looking back on everything, on everything you did and everything I did, and I’m wondering how fucking _blind_ I had to have been to have missed what was going on? Like, I’m honestly _astounded,_  Ryuu! Who the hell takes thirteen years to realise they’re in love with someone?”

The light catches - _blazes_ \- and his mind whites out.

“Well,” Noya pauses. “Maybe not thirteen years. At _least_ since we were second years. Probably more. Apparently there’s been some sort of betting pool going?” He rests his palms against his forehead and groans. “God, I am such a _dumbass._ ”

This is too surreal. There’s no way- he can’t be saying what Ryuu thinks he’s saying.

“Did…” Noya fidgets restlessly. Ryuu watches him gnaw on his lower lip. “Did you mean it?”

“...What?” he croaks, still a bit dazed.

“When you kissed me. Everything you said. I mean, I’m pretty sure you did; you were pretty fucking specific and I don’t think alcohol could make you make any of that up, and you _wouldn’t_ make any of that up, but I just…” Noya exhales shakily. He looks too vulnerable, like this. “I need to hear you say it, Ryuu.”

“I-I…” Ryuu flicks his tongue out to wet his lips, and he sees Noya’s gaze flicker downwards- _holy shit._ He swallows heavily. “Yeah. I meant it. All of it.”

“No, Ryuu- Ryuunosuke.” Noya looks almost pained, his expression bordering on desperate. “I need to hear you _say_ it.”

His heart is banging against his ribcage like it’s trying to launch itself straight out of his chest. His skin is on fire. This isn’t happening.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “I’m… I am _stupid_ fucking in love with you, Yuu. I have been for years, I- You have no _idea_ how-”

Words are failing him, but that’s okay because the second Noya’s first name leaves his lips Noya is moving, launching himself forward and yanking Ryuu towards him by his shirt, the distance between them closing fast-

It’s light, at first; more a brush of lips than an actual kiss, and for a moment they just stay like that, trembling and close-mouthed and dry, but it still has his pulse spiking in his wrist and a hot flush working its way up his neck.

Noya pulls back, just slightly, just enough that Ryuu can feel him suck in a shaky breath and exhale it softly across Ryuu’s lips. There’s a moment where they wait for the world to shift back into place, breathing each other’s air and staring at the other with half lidded eyes.

And that’s when the reality of everything comes crashing down on Ryuu, because Noya is laying everything bare in his gaze and Ryuu knows he’s doing the same; Noya’s hands are trembling in his shirt, this is real, both of them finally _understand_ , and there aren’t any more words needed between them after that

Noya’s eyes fall shut and Ryuu feels more than hears him speak as he pressed forwards once more, mumbling against Ryuu’s mouth. “Ditto.”

And then they’re kissing.

The way they’ve always been meant to.

The others barely hold a candle to this one, because up until this point Ryuu has only ever known what Noya’s lips have felt like against his own, shocked into stillness, and never realised how much different it would feel when Noya is actually kissing _back._

Noya kisses like he plays volleyball, strong and sure and not a damn thing restrained, as if this weird, wonderful experience is something he’s been doing his whole life - and they _should_ have been doing their entire lives, holy _shit._  He moves against Ryuu’s lips with enough force to bruise, just a bit too hard and Ryuu fucking loves it, because this is Noya. Noya kissing him, like the only air in the world is inside Ryuu’s mouth and he’s fighting tooth and nail for a chance to get at it.

His hands reach out of their own accord, sliding into Noya’s hair and grasping the short strands between his fingers. It’s not the first time he’s run his fingers through Noya’s hair - not even the thousandth - but never like this, never allowing himself to fully appreciate the way it feels beneath his fingertips, the way the soft fuzz at the base of Noya’s neck slowly lengthens as it creeps up his scalp, thick with gel.

And Noya has _certainly_ never made a soft noise when Ryuu’s fingers fist in his hair and tugged him closer, as if he’s afraid that Ryuu is even entertaining the idea of pulling away at this point, which is dumb because Ryuu is pretty sure that the sky could fall down outside their window and it wouldn’t be enough to distract his one-track mind from its mission to kiss the _shit_ out of Noya until one of them possibly suffocates.

He tilts his head, adjusts the angle, and then their lips are slotting together perfectly, fervently, moving with the same frenzied synchronization they have on the court together, the kind of thing that can only be done through years of knowing each other, and Ryuu thinks he might actually die.

And then he feels the light graze of teeth on his lower lip, almost immediately replaced by Noya’s tongue flicking across them, asking for permission he doesn’t need because Ryuu is immediately parting his lips to greet him. Noya’s tongue slips inside and is instantly locked in a fierce battle with Ryuu’s own, both of them too desperate and eager for any sort of finesse, but that’s okay, Ryuu thinks. They’ll have plenty of time for that later.

He’s working off of instinct and fire, like he always has, but never before has he been so aware of everything; his indomitable focus zeroing in on every point of contact like it’s the only thing grounding him to the earth. He knows he’s shaking with emotion, and maybe he’d be a bit more embarrassed about that if this was anyone else. But this isn’t anyone else; it’s Noya, the only person who could ever make him feel this way and who sounds just as wonderfully shaken as Ryuu feels.

Noya’s hands finally release their grip on Ryuu’s shirt, one winding around the back of his neck and the other slipping downward to grip his waist as he shifts forward and repositions himself to straddle Ryuu’s legs, and yeah, he’s _definitely_ gonna die.

He lets out a soft little groan when Noya retreats his tongue to gently tug Ryuu’s bottom lip between his teeth, and Noya swallows it hungrily, pressing forwards even though there’s virtually no space left between them. The hand on Ryuu’s waist fumbles for a second until it finds the hem of his shirt and impatiently bunches it upwards to snake underneath, searingly hot against Ryuu’s skin.

There’s a heat in his stomach, a low tug somewhere just behind his navel, and it’s only when Ryuu’s hands tighten in Noya’s hair and Noya lets out a groan of his own that he remembers they’re still on the kitchen floor.

He pulls back reluctantly, breathless. “Noya, wait-”

The hands under his shirt disappear instantly. “Shit- too much? Sorry, I got car-”

“No!” Ryuu blurts before he can stop himself, tightening his grip to stop Noya from pulling away completely. “It’s just- We should-” He swallows heavily, pinned by the look in Noya’s eyes - dark and heady and _sexual_ \- and he’s hyper aware of exactly how hard he’s getting. “Not here.”

“Oh.” Noya blinks, his eyes focusing again as he glances around the room in vague surprise, as if he had completely forgotten about their surroundings - and there’s another spark in Ryuu’s gut at knowing that he’s the cause. “ _Oh_ ,” he says again, and Ryuu watches his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Yeah, okay- I mean, you wanna-?”

“Yeah.”

Noya exhales shakily, a small and almost disbelieving chuckle bubbling out of his throat. “Okay. Okay.” he says, and kisses Ryuu again, but pulls back before Ryuu can properly return it and starts to tug him up by his hands. “Bedroom. Now.”

(Ryuu wonders if he should be concerned by just how much that turns him on.)

And then they’re on their feet, stumbling down the hall and into the closest bedroom and Ryuu is honestly too caught up in everything to discern exactly whose it is, because the clothes strewn across the floor and the posters on the wall are a mix of both of their belongings, and he barely has time to catch sight of them at all before Noya is bodily tackling him to the bed.

Ryuu lands with a strangled yelp, because there’s fucking _textbooks_ on the bed and one of them is now digging painfully into his spine - Noya’s room, then. He wriggles uncomfortably, reaching behind him to tug it out and throwing it against the wall as punishment for interrupting.

Noya snorts. “That was a lot sexier in my head.”

“No- I mean, it was still pretty sexy. At first, at least,” Ryuu assures him with a delirious little laugh. A tiny little voice at the back of his head that sounds an awful lot like Ennoshita is mumbling about how they’re going too fast, that they should wait, but Ryuu’s been waiting about five years and he’s not planning on waiting a damn second longer, especially not after the confession that just went down.

Noya grins, and the sight of it combined with his flushed cheeks and messy hair is almost too much for Ryuu, so he reaches up to pull Noya down into another kiss, because he can _do that_ now, and the thought exhilarates him beyond reason.

It’s not long before they work themselves back into their previous rhythm, their kisses turning from languid and hesitant to hot and open-mouthed. Noya drags his tongue along the roof of Ryuu’s mouth and Ryuu shivers; Noya is _good_ at this, and he knows he’s not bad either, but right now he feels like a bumbling idiot under his best friend’s hands.

Vaguely, he wonders where the hell Noya learnt to kiss like this; he hasn’t been making out with anyone else as far as Ryuu is aware - he would have told him - but the spark of irritation he feels from the idea of other people kissing Noya is enough to have him twisting them over, switching their positions in the blink of an eye.

Noya moans in surprise but does not back down, pushing back with insistence and still holding control of the kiss, and this, this is familiar; both of them firing the other up until their energy turns inextinguishable. He sucks Noya’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulls lightly at his hair in the same moment, and the sound Noya makes is absolutely fucking intoxicating, so he does it again.

There are hands tugging at his shirt again, and this time Ryuu doesn’t waste any time in sitting up enough to let Noya pull it over his head and toss it out of the way. Noya flips them again so that he’s straddling Ryuu’s waist, and for a moment he just stares hungrily at Ryuu’s bare chest.

And that’s- Wow. Okay.

Ryuu sucks in a breath of air, willing himself to calm down, and shifts embarrassedly. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” he points out, and sighs with pleasure when Noya’s warm, firm hands start roaming his bare skin.

“You’d be surprised what a change of perspective can do,” Noya breathes, and then ducks down to kiss him, hard.

He moves further down Ryuu’s jawline, peppering kisses until he reaches his neck, and the moan Ryuu lets out when Noya latches onto a spot just shy of his jugular is completely involuntary, his hands flying up and under Noya’s shirt in an attempt to regain the upper hand.

“God, Ryuu, I am such an _idiot_ ,” Noya mutters against his skin. Ryuu’s hips buck of their own accord when Noya’ tongue flicks out and Noya gasps in response. “We could have, _ah_ \- could have been doing this for _years_ , if I had just-”

“You can make it up to me by taking your-” Noya grazes his teeth against the mark he just made and Ryuu nearly chokes. “Your fucking shirt- Off, now.”

Noya complies immediately, and then he’s back on Ryuu’s neck, spreading his hands and sliding them down along Ryuu’s abdomen, his stomach, until they’re ducking beneath the waistband of his jeans and rubbing circles into his hips, just shy of where he actually wants them to be. He moans in frustration, tearing one hand away from where they’ve been roaming Noya’s back to thread his fingers into Noya’s hair. His hips stutter upwards again, and Noya hisses, grinding down in response.

“Fuck, _Ryuu-_ you should have kissed me about five years ago,” he grits out, sounding thoroughly debauched, and Ryuu laughs a little at that.

“I did, remember?”

“Those weren’t kisses,” Noya snorts, sitting up enough that Ryuu can get a good look at him, and he _looks_ thoroughly debauched; panting, his hair a mess and his pupils blown wide. There aren’t any marks on his neck though, and Ryuu resolves to change that as soon as humanly possible. Noya leans back down until his nose is bumping Ryuu’s. “ _This_ is a kiss.”

And then their lips are crushed together again, searing and exhilarating and holy fuck, Ryuu has wanted this for so long, now that it’s actually happening he worries it might end up killing him.

Noya presses down until he’s flush up against Ryuu and he can feel the warmth of Noya’s muscled chest against his own. He thinks he might feel Noya’s heartbeat too, quick and frenzied and powerful, but that might just be his. Noya scrapes blunt nails down his side and Ryuu’s hips roll up of their own accord but it’s not enough, his jeans are too tight and he can feel how hard Noya is against him, and a heady rush shoots straight to his core at knowing that he’s the reason.

He pushes back, switching them around again so that he’s on top and latching onto Noya’s neck, determined to leave some physical evidence that he was here, and has to bite back a grin at Noya’s startled groan. He starts to draw a map in his mind, paying attention to which spots have Noya gasping the loudest, which ones have him pushing his hips insistently against Ryuu’s and his nails dragging down Ryuu’s back.

He quickly decides that his favourite spot is the one just below Noya’s ear, which has him making a strangled sort of noise followed by, “ _Shit-_ Ryuu, get the fuck back up here and kiss me,”

Ryuu doesn’t hesitate.

“Stop smiling, I’m trying to kiss you here,” he mutters against Noya’s mouth, and Noya’s grin widens.

“Nah.”

Ryuu smirks. “Fine,” and retreats to put his mouth to better use, sucking another mark into Noya’s skin and relishing in the way Noya’s chuckles turn into moans. His hands wander lower, until he’s toying with the top of Noya’s jeans. “Can I…?” he breathes, suddenly nervous.

“You better,” Noya grits out, and that’s enough to squash any worries Ryuu might have, because this is _Noya_ , his best friend, and he wants him so much it hurts.

He fumbles for a second with the button before it pops, and then he’s dragging Noya’s jeans down his hips. He helps Noya kick them off somewhere off to the side, and then Noya is in nothing but his boxers, stretched tight around his dick, and Ryuu’s mouth has gone dry.

He kisses him again before he can stare too long, his hand already moving down again, sliding beneath the waistband of the boxers and grasping Noya’s dick.

Noya breaks the kiss with a sharp inhale, throwing his head back and pushing his hips up into Ryuu’s hand. “Holy _shit_ , _Ryuu-_ ”

It takes Ryuu a few moments to get into it; the angle is unfamiliar and the noises Noya’s making are incredibly distracting, but soon he’s settled into a rhythm and reattached his mouth to Noya’s throat.

He thumbs at the tip, spreading precome to make the grip slick and easy and drinks in the sharp, needy little sounds Noya makes as he pumps him.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Noya hisses, his hands flying up to scrabble for some sort of purchase in the soft fuzz of Ryuu’s hair when Ryuu twists his hand, “God, Ryuu- I, _ah_ -!”

Ryuu repeats the motion, panting wetly against Noya’s neck, and is incredibly pleased when Noya makes the same noise. His own dick is screaming for attention, but he ignores it for now, instead tugging the underwear off completely and sitting up so he can get a proper look at the way Noya looks right now.

He’s thought about this so many times, but this is so much better than anything his imagination could have cooked up. Noya’s eyes are squeezed shut, his head thrown back and mouth parted, his hands having fallen from Ryuu to instead fist in the sheets, his hips canted upwards, the sunlight falling across his face, and he’s probably the sexiest thing Ryuu has ever laid eyes on.

He says at much, and is rewarded with Noya dragging him down into another fierce kiss. He returns it eagerly, and gets so distracted by whatever Noya is doing with his tongue that he doesn’t notice Noya knocking his hands away and flipping them over until he’s on his back again.

“You too,” Noya mutters against him, already descending to nip and suck his way down Ryuu’s chest, pausing to experimentally flick his tongue over a nipple - _holy shit -_ until he reaches the waistband of Ryuu’s jeans. “Jesus- Ryuu, you’re so fucking _hot_ ,”

Ryuu sits up slightly, bracing himself on his forearms to stare at him, his lips parted in anticipation, and his hips twitch when Noya looks up at him through hooded eyes, a wicked grin on his face.

Noya nearly rips the zipper on his jeans off in his haste to get them open, tugging them down and helping Ryuu to shimmy them off, never moving his head far from Ryuu’s hips. He hovers by Ryuu’s underwear, and Ryuu can _feel_ his breath against him and can’t stop the choked sound that tears itself from his mouth.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “Noya, _please_ -”

Noya moves his head back, and Ryuu _whines_. “Nuh-uh. You don’t get to get away with that anymore. You’re my _boyfriend_ now, Ryuu,” he says almost gleefully. “I’m not sucking your dick until you call me Yuu again.”

He says it so simply, but the very idea makes Ryuu _quake_. He’s not entirely sure what gets him more; the thought of Noya going down on him or the fact that Noya just called him his boyfriend. Probably a mix of both.

“Shit, _Yuu_ ,” he hisses, his voice breaking when Noya places a wet kiss on him through the fabric of his boxers. He feels Noya grin against him, and then his thumbs are hooking into the waistband and tugging the underwear down and off.

Ryuu has about two seconds to be aware of the fact that they are now both naked before Noya is speaking again, every word breathing hot air on Ryuu’s dick and sending a full body shiver through him.

“You know I’ve never done anything like this before,” Noya says, his confident tone receding slightly.

The idea of Noya doing anything he doesn’t want to is enough to send his arousal packing, and despite the want quaking through his bones Ryuu finds himself saying, “You don’t have to-”

“I _want_ to,” Noya says immediately, his smile returning. “I’m just saying don’t expect it to be mind blowing or anything.”

Ryuu has a lot of arguments to that; anything Noya does is mind-blowing, Ryuu doesn’t care as long as it’s him, he doesn’t have anything to compare it to anyway, and settles on a strangled response of, “Could have fooled me, the way you’ve been kissing.”

He didn’t think that Noya could get any redder, already flushed with arousal and exertion, but the evidence contrary stares him in the face as Noya averts his eyes. “I _might_ have done some research last night. And on the train.”

Ryuu laughs, only to cut himself off with a sharp gasp as Noya ducks his head to lick a stripe up Ryuu’s dick - to shut him up, probably. It fucking works.

“And anyway, I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for, so,” Noya grins. “Better start putting that research into practice.” He pauses. “You want me to, yeah?”

“God _yes_ , Yuu _please-_ ” and then Noya takes him into his mouth and Ryuu forgets words, forgets research, forgets everything that isn’t Noya and his mouth and his _tongue, holy shit-_

His head falls back with a choked moan, his hands fisting in the sheets and eyes squeezing shut because he knows that if he looks at Noya right now he’s not gonna last five seconds, no way in hell. He doesn’t remember hooking his ankles around Noya’s back but somehow they’ve ended up there anyway and all Ryuu can really register is Noya’s hair tickling against his inner thighs and Noya’s hands on his hips and Noya’s lips sliding down his dick- _jesus_ **_fuck_ ** **-**

He’s vaguely aware that his mouth is moving; a broken, breathless babble of words about how much he’s wanted this, how long he’s wanted it, how fucking good it feels, and how fucking _amazing_ Noya is - _Yuu_ is - and he loves him he loves him he _loves him_ _so fucking much_.

It’s five - _eight, thirteen_ \- years of pent up tension and things left unsaid and maybe Ryuu might be trying to regulate the flow of words if Noya wasn’t rewarding each confession with a hum around Ryuu’s dick and that- _fuck_ , it’s a good thing Noya’s hands are strong enough to hold him down because it’s getting really hard to resist the urge to thrust.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he groans, his back arching as Noya runs his tongue up the underside of his dick. He chances a look down and immediately regrets it because Noya is looking straight at him, his gaze dark with arousal, and there’s a stuttering moment of eye contact as Noya bobs his head and holy shit, Ryuu is _really_ gonna lose it unless he stops him right now.

So he does; hands finding Noya’s hair again and tugging insistently until he releases Ryuu’s dick with a wet _pop!_ that sends another full-body shiver running through him, and pulls Noya back up to kiss him again.

Noya returns it eagerly, his lips bruising and fierce against Ryuu’s own, but breaks it a moment later to shift until he’s straddling Ryuu again except this time there’s no clothes between them, and they both share a moan when their bare dicks touch.

And then Noya angles his hips down and _grinds_ , and the sound that wrenches itself from Ryuu’s throat is low and guttural and mixed with some sort of curse. His grip in Noya’s hair falls to clutch at Noya’s back, slick with sweat and heaving with heavy, laboured breaths.

Noya’s hand travels downward, wrapping around the both of them, and Ryuu buries his face in Noya’s neck with a sharp gasp when it starts moving.

“I was jealous, you know,” Noya rasps into his ear, sounding just as taken apart as Ryuu feels. “All this time- _ah!_ \- and I, _fuck_ , I felt so bad, because I couldn’t figure out _why_ I didn’t like her, but-” he laughs, almost deliriously. “I was _jealous,_ and, I- we could have- Even last night, I was jealous of _Tora_ , but I didn’t- I didn’t know-”

He cuts himself off with a low moan when Ryuu’s hand joins his, turning his head to lightly graze his teeth across Ryuu’s earlobe. “ _God_ , Ryuu- _I want you._ ”

And Ryuu has never been the insecure sort, but somehow he can’t quite get over the concept, the idea that Noya _wants_ him, that Noya was jealous of Shinozaki without even being aware of it, that Noya loves him too, that this all isn’t some sort of hyper-realistic dream. But Noya does, and this isn’t, and Ryuu is _flying_.

“I want you too, _shit_ , Yuu- you have no idea how fucking much-”

Noya crushes their lips together again, his tongue diving into Ryuu’s mouth, but they’re both too far gone to keep the kiss going long so Noya breaks it after few moments to lean his forehead against Ryuu’s and pant, “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

And then he does _something_ with his hand and that’s it; Ryuu comes first, tearing his mouth away from Noya’s with loud moan, his vision nearly whiting out when Noya goes rigid a moment later, biting down on Ryuu’s shoulder to stifle the noise fighting it’s way out of his throat, and then his mind goes blank and all he has are sensations; just Noya’s skin against his and his breath in his ear and his scent in Ryuu’s nose, spice and cinnamon and _home_.

He could stay like this forever, probably.

When he falls back against the sheets, feeling boneless, Noya falls with him, slumped against Ryuu’s chest as they wait for coherent thought to return and listen to the other breathe.

There’s a silence, and then Noya shifts above him, pushing himself up on his hands to look down at Ryuu with a gaze so outwardly fond it has Ryuu’s breath catching before he’s even begun to get it back. A moment passes where Ryuu finds himself paralyzed by the look - though that’s nothing new - and then there are lips against his, pulled into a smile.

“I love you,” Noya mumbles against his mouth, and Ryuu fucking _giggles_ as he pulls away, still coming down from his orgasmic high, floating just a little bit higher every time he thinks about what they just did.

Noya’s smile widens into a Cheshire grin, and he swoops downward again to plant a wet kiss on Ryuu’s cheek, and another on the opposite one, and another on his nose, and all over his face, accompanying each with an over-exaggerated slurping noise.

“I _looooooove_ you,” he says gleefully, and Ryuu laughs louder. “You’re my _boyfriend_ , Ryuu. We’re a Thing, now.” He pauses, pulling back to look Ryuu in the eye again. “We are a Thing, right? With dates and hand-holding and _definitely_ more of this, yeah?”

Ryuu finally calms his laughter back down into light chuckles, unable to restrain the grin overtaking his face and finding no reason to. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re- I mean, if you want, then yeah. Definitely a Thing.”

Noya’s smile is full on his face, shaping his jaw and reaching his eyes and Ryuu thinks it’s probably the greatest thing he’s ever seen. “Good.”

Noya reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing a wad of tissues and lazily wiping the both of them down as best he can. He tosses them towards the bin without looking, but Ryuu sees them land perfectly inside and whistles lowly. Noya looks far too pleased with that, so Ryuu tugs him back down again, enjoying the feel of Noya’s chest against his and still reeling from how _right_ it all feels.

Noya falls back into him pretty easily, wriggling around until he’s on his back and Ryuu’s head is tucked into the crook of his neck - probably to make him feel taller, Ryuu thinks with a snort. Noya evidently guesses Ryuu’s thoughts, as he pokes him in the forehead a moment later and Ryuu is snickering again and this, this is _them_ , and Ryuu honestly can’t figure out how he could have ever thought that the two of them would end up anywhere than here, eventually.

“You know,” Noya starts after a moment. “I keep waiting for this to feel… weird? Or awkward, or something. But it’s not.”

“Well I’ve been past that stage for a while now, Yuu,” Ryuu responds, testing the name on his tongue and feeling Noya grin against him in response. He groans. “God, I can’t believe- we’ve been so dumb, we could have _been_ something for months- _years_ , even by now, if I’d said something, like, ever.”

“Hey, we were still something!” Noya counters, accompanying it with a jab in Ryuu’s side. “I mean, it’s you and me, right? We’ve always been something.”

“...Yeah. Yeah we have.”

“And,” Noya pauses, drawing back slightly to look at Ryuu properly, and Ryuu’s hand is still on his chest and he can _feel_ Noya’s pulse spike. “You’ve always been _It_ , you know? I mean, from the start, even without all this other stuff, you’ve always been the most important.”

Ryuu inhales softly, his stomach flipping and he doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t. Instead he leans forward to kiss Noya again, soft and meaningful, and wonders how the hell he got so fucking lucky.

He pulls back after a moment, feeling pretty damn contented if he does say so himself, and nestles himself more comfortably against Noya, a lazy grin on his face.

“...Hey, Ryuu?”

“Mmm?” Ryuu can’t formulate much more of a response than that. He’s too distracted by the pleasant sensation of Noya’s fingers tracing circles on his arm.

“Are we gonna play volleyball today?”

Ryuu snorts. “I mean, _yeah_. But not _now_ ” he mumbles, burrowing deeper into Noya’s side and shutting his eyes.

Noya jabs him again. “Hey, hey! Don’t _nap,_ you have to tell me all about when your huge ass crush on me started!”

Ryuu cracks one eye open. “Seriously?”

“Yes!”

He groans, but shifts up again to brace on his forearms and look at Noya. “There was no specific _time_ , it just… happened.”

Noya contemplates this. “Well, that makes sense- I mean, me too, so…” He perks up. “Okay, so tell me about the very first time you thought I was like, totally awesome.”

Ryuu makes an incredulous sort of noise. “Really?”

“Yup! Don’t worry, I’ll tell you about the first time I thought you were totally awesome too, but you’re going first.”

He laughs a little at that, and moves to make himself more comfortable. “Alright. Okay,” He thinks for a moment, and sighs.

“I think… we were seven years old. And even though you were the one with blood gushing- well, trickling, really, if I’m being totally honest - from your knee, I was the one in tears about it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE U GUYS APPRECIATED THAT SMUT IT TOOK ME THREE WEEKS I WAS SO EMBARRASSED

**Author's Note:**

> come join me in TanaNoya hell, my lovelies. no seriously please god i love these two so much my life has been ruined i did not ask for this. i am a good guy ive never even littered wtf how could this happen to me. please come talk to me about tananoya on my [tumblr](http://beckett-trash.tumblr.com/) i beg of you.


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